Friends and Beyond

Is He Into You Or Not, Ladies? That Is The Question

With the new movie out "He's just not that into you" I was reminded about how often ladies deal with this issue sometimes on a daily basis.  Not too long ago a friend of mine wanted me to meet a man that came into the restaurant where she tended bar.  I agreed and she through a casual conversation told him about me and after some thought he called her with his phones numbers to give to me.  (First Indicator) A day or two went by and I finally did call and set up a time to have a cocktail and share some conversation.  The get together went well and the gentlman told me that he would call me by the end of the weekend.  It was at this time Tuesday.  Well the weekend came and went without a call.  As nice as he was, one thing came to my mind.  He just wasn't that interested and that was OK.  I am quite a busy girl anyway. 

Well.....my friend after sometime decided that I should call him and tell him I was thinking of him.  I told her NO.  If this man had an interest in me then he would have called regardless.  She proceeded to tell me that times have changed and I was thinking old fashion.  I tried to explain that as old fashion as it may seem, men are warriors and will fight armies to get the attention of a woman that has caught his fancy.  There are not enough excuses in the book to explain away that when you do not do what you say you are going to do you lose trust and that is not a very good foundation for the future.

So ladies, refrain from picking up the phone and calling a guy just because you think it will help create a relationship because it will not.  And remember a drink is not a date and two or three dates does not make him your boyfriend. I guess the old saying does go for us, Girls, lighten up and get a life.  If he is interested he will come running. you can count on it.  If not.... then keep moving.

Aim Right Fot The Heart

A common need in all human beings is the feeling and expression of love.  Even people with the toughest of exteriors has a soft and sensative interior that longs for love in some way.  Sometimes the world will knock you around a little but when that hard facade is challenged, a deeper, more vulerable human being stands behind the armor.  All of our actions are unskillful or skillfull attempts to feel love.  Even the meanest person in the world craves the feelings of love as much as you or I do.  Maybe even more so.  Some people believe that love can be manipulated and do not understand that love can only be won or given and received.  Many times people act unloveable because they believe deep inside that they are unloveable.  Relationships suffer because of this simple barrier that we sometimes carry for protection. 

The language of the heart is not difficult or complex.  It is actually quite simple.  "The fruits of thoughtfulness sometimes remain hidden until the moment is ripe".  Sometimes all it takes is a simple touch when love and understanding is communicated in a way that is beyond words.  So the challenge for each of us is to reach out, to live and to act for what is real on the inside even if the reality is not apparent to our own senses on the outside.  We can break down the lonely towers that stand around the hearts of people and in doing so we will indeed discover our own.    We must never underestimate the healing power of the act of kindness no matter how big or how small.   

Does Love At First Sight Really Exist?

This is a question asked by many who seek a relationship.  Immediate desire and /or ust at one's first sight does exist.  However, the world pretty much agrees that love at first sight is not a relavent expressin for an actual feeling.  Love at first sight is more classified as infatuation than love.  One simple fact remains that can kick start love is that your first moves when you see a possible future love are crucial.   if in fact love does grow from the initial encounter then you could call it love at first sight.  There will be no arguments to that issue.  But if it does not.....then what do you cal the encounter?  The term Love at First Sight is a significant part of the popular belief of many.  But it truely exists for those who choose to believe it. 

Creating A Win-Win Communication

Whether you are trying to improve a personal relationship or enhance a business relationship, communication is a key element in accomplishing a win win situation.  There is a proccess called And Then Some that s very effective in establishing a win win environment.  The people involved must be mature enough and open to feedback.  The more common excuses used to avoid this process are,"This is dumb" or "I'm too busy" or "My friend,wife, husband would never do that."  Here is how the process works.

At the end of a week one person will ask the other "On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate my performance as a (?) last week?"  The key is to listen with an open mind and pause before there is any response.  If the answer is not a ten the next question will be, "What wuld I need to improv my score or make it a ten?"  The next key is to listen again and utilize the information to improve on te next week.

This makes us more aware of where we may be falling short of fullfilling all that we can be.  However, too often people get offend and take the answers negatively which will short circuit possible improvement in their lives for the future.  If you accept the imformation you receive as a gift, it can help you become more trustworthy and genuine.  It is true that sometimes the truth hurts but sometimes it is necessary to swallow a little pride to enjoy the benefit that follow.

Love Is A Not Automatic, It Is Learned

Love, itself is a learned response.  And how a person learns to love is in direct relationship to the environment in which he or she is raised and by who they were taught.  More people behave as if love were something that remains dormant inside until some magical thing happens to cause it to bloom.  Many people spend lifetimes trying to find love.  To some love is not something to think about but just something to experience.  In some small degree all of these statements carry an element of truth.  But none of them is the whole truth. 

If a person wanted to be something in specific like an actor or attorney they would have to study to learn how to be either.  A child at birth does not know anything about love.  As the child grows, the world around him and the people he or she is involved with ustimately teach them about love and what it means.  Love is not only an emotion but a response to an emotion.  When this child grows into an adult, the way he loves and accepts love is based on what he has been taught.  So as a professional learns and perfects a trade so must a person to truely understand the multi-facets of love.  Don't cut yourself short on experiencing the fullness of love by limiting yourself to only the things you learned during childhood. Only when we choose to communicate and learn how to love and be loved, then we will experience more of its fullness.

New Habits For A New Year

With the new year 2008 just around the corner, now is a time to reflect and decide to make changes for personal growth.  One area in many people's lives that need changing is the people they associate with.  The people you hang around with stongly influence the things you do or do not do.  There are some people that are negative in nature, in communication and in attitude.  We still call them friends when in fact they are not.  They bring you down and hinder your progress in becoming all that you can be.  Their point of view is always on the down side.  2008 is a year to re-evaluate the friends and relationships you currently have and set new positive attitudes and outlooks in life. People who always complain and find things wrong will bring you down and make the world look dim.  People who are always looking for the good and encourage you will help you see a world full of opportunity and adventure.  Your attitudes and beliefs are a product of your environment.  So why not take a step for and realize that the sky and beyond is the limit and negative associations are your anchor that hold you back from soaring to new heights.  Have an Outstanding Christmas and a Spectacular New Year!

Can Your Date Really Commit

Time and time again in this fast paced world that we live in we meet people left and right and find we have personal attractions.  So we go out on dates but somewhere along the line there are hopes that a relationship will emerge.  But low and behold it does not.  The question is "Why" and what can you do to realize that your date either can not or will not commit to a relationship. 

What you need to do is pay attention to the signs, words and actions.  If you go into this dating with your eyes open it will be much easier to recognize when someone is not really going to commit to anything more.  No real time for you, falls way to fast and inconsistencies are just a few things that are overlooked when two people start out dating because they are attracted to one another.  If any of these things pop up, quickly evaluate before your heart starts getting attached.  It is better to learn about the caution and red flags early in the game before you have spent a considerable amount of time trying to build a relationship that is going no where.

Is It Or Is It Not Too Good To Be True

In a world where let downs and break ups are more common than before some meet a person who seeming has all the elments of a great relaionship.  But then comes the question "Is this too good to be true"?  Then comes that task of looking for things that are not right and waiting for what it thought to be the inevidable.  Fortunately it only seems to be too good to be true because it goes against all that you may know from the past.  The fact is a good relationship is good enough to be true. 

It might be that after so many different disappointments you have forgottenn how to love yourself.  Remember that love attracts love and when you shine from the inside the universe delivers on the outside.  Allo as much happiness into your life as yu can and take the credit for the courage it took to get through you disppointments.  More importantly refrain from lookming for something to be wrong.  Holding your relationship to tight will hinder it's growth.  A relationship is something you allow and it does not just happen.  It is a choice, so choose to love and be loved.

Why Some Men Become Disinterested In a Relationship

There are women who have asked why the man they are dating or married to become more laid back and uninterested than before there was a commitment.  The answer is very plain and clear but most women do not see it.  A man is like a warrior.  If he is not out conquering he is not happy.  If the battle is won he is not content util there is a new challenge.  As women we must let our man be who he is, a warrior,  that knight in shining armor.  Do not expect that to change and you do not want that to change anyway.  As long as a man is challenged, he will find the things he needs to do or say to make his princess or queen, if you will, happy.  As a woman it is imperative that you maintain a certain amount of your previous life and more importantly your friends because as close as you may be with the man you love, he will defect.  And when he does you will blame him. When in fact you may have been the one who took away his thunder.  If you are paying attention you will know when this turn happens and be able to make adjustments in your own daily life to grow and flourish until he returns the warrior and knight that he is and that you really want him to be. 

When A Relationship Is Not A Relationship

I had a visit from an old boyfriend just this weekend and can not believe how much I dreaded his visit.  After twenty some years of being what I thought was friends, I realized I was just a pick me up after each of his other breakups or a time killer till he found a new girl.  I am glad that I did have him visit one more time to set solid my realization that we were not even friends anymore.  When do you finally cut someone loose that you believed cared about you.  Well I found out with this visit that we were not communicating on the same page and never would be.  Here was a person that communicated only with his head and not his heart.  It was all about him and he had to be right no matter what.  Are you involve with someone like that?  Run!  It does not change unless the person wants to change and in this case this person believed that he was right and there was no need for change.  Now I know why twenty years has gone by and we are still many miles apart.  I have realized that this is just an acquaintance now and one that I do not wish to continue communicating with in the future.  Sometimes you just have to realize when it is time to cut your losses and move on for good.  There are alot of great people out in the world, there is no need to get bogged down with one who doesn't really care and has an all about me attitude.