Friends and Beyond

In Your Relationship, Get Your Man's Ego On Your Side

In any relationship, it is important to remember to evaluate the potential damage that is created when you do not set the needs of your relationship high on the priority list when picking an argument.  When there is a conflict in the activities that arise keep in mind that you can go full boar into a battle against the ego of a man that you will not win or step back and offer a suitable solutions that makes it a win win for the both of you.  This is where men can be given the opportunity to compromise.  What is extremely important to you may not be to your partner and vice versa.  But is creating a war worth the destruction that is caused when the woman ego goes to battle with that of a man?  Sometimes being right is not everything and by seeing another way around a situation you can have almost everything in the long run.  Being right does not always justify actions that cause relationship damage. 

Your ego goes after short term rewards without taking into consideration the long term consequences.  if you look at a man's ego, it is like a junk yard dog whose purpose is to protect the territory behind the fence.  If you get inside that fence and go to battle with that dog you will lose. And your man will not intentionally set out to hurt you but his ego will do whatever it takes to protect. A man's ego allows him to accomplish amazing things.  But his ego is either a killer or a hero.  If your relationship with him is a rewarding experience, he will be your hero. but if you challenge or threaten him and he has accepted that challenge, he does not think of the damage his actions can do to the long term relationship.  You may win a round or two but in the long run you will lose. 

Ladies, your ego is very useful in the business world but has no business in your relationship if you want it to last.  When you get your ego out of the way, you then can tap into your natural ability to relate and your skill to manage your relationship. You have the inward ability to create the relationsip of your choice.  Two egos will end up with none.  Learn how to make the situations that you encounter a win win and you will be surprised at what lengths your man will go to make you happy.

In Many Cases, Women Determine Their Own Worth By Their Current Relationship

Have you ever noticed that dogs and their owners begin to look like each other?  Well the same thing begins to happen to women who are in a relationship that is not working or not right for them.  They begin to determine their own worth by the circumstances arising for a defective or defaulted relationship.  This is not always with just men, it can be that of friends and coworkers as well.  But most of the time it is with the man they are spending their time with.

When you look at how a woman's life changes when a man enters the picture you will be amazed at how you, if you are female, tend to do the same thing.  A day does not go by that you want to eat, sleep and breathe the presence of you current gentleman friend.  Then wonder why they tend to want and need space a lot more than usual. 

Women tend to forget they have friends and family that used to be a part of their lives when they were truely single.  As a matter of fact it is healthy and highly recommended that a woman continue to spend an ample amount of time with her friends and loved ones.  This way the need to control or over commit to their new found love is kept under control.  Women are community creatures that need to chat consistantly whereas a male is more of a one man show.  When a women has a problem or situation, they need to talk about it until they satisfy themselves or find a solution.  A man on the other hand tends to want to find a corner of the world until they have found a reasonable solution to the situation or problem.

This is when you will hear..."What is wrong with me?" "What have I done?" "Why doesn't he want to spend time with me?"  Immediately their sense of worth diminishes and the downhill slide begins.  When a woman realizes that their worth has nothing to do with the solving of a problem or situation, they will find that they will experience a much happier and more successful relationship that is more likely to become fruitful as it grows. 

A woman worth is determined by who she is and what she contributes to the world around her.  Insecurity and self doubt do not have to be a part of that world.  When she realizes that her happiness comes from within, those around her can and will feel the warmth and see the luminesence that comes from a woman who deems herself worthy of all the goodness available to her.  It is then that she can truely give the gifts that she holds to those she cares about. 

Many Women Wait For Their Knight In Shining Armor Before They Consider Living Life

Many women are victims of what is called the White Knight Syndrome and do not even realize it.  do what is the White Knight Syndrome.  This is when a women is waiting for the right guy, the perfect mate to come along and not only sweep them off their feet but take care of them forever.  So they wait around and not go on trips they might want ot go on or experience other types of activities the might be shared with a man of their dreams.  Time then moves on, the White Knight does not come and she feels like she has lost out on a part of her life.  Unfortunately, women blame men for this occurrance when it is not the fault of the male population.

Instead, ladies, you must start placing value on yourselves and taking your life as important enough to create memories even if they are with friends or even by yourself.  After all you should enjoy being in your own company.  It is amazing that when you begin to live your life instead of holding off, the right people including the right man will amazingly come into your life to share those experiences with you.  Your life will be fuller and you will be much happier to have and take advantage of the opportunity to grow on a personal level. 

Life is too short to spend it wondering what might have been if you had only stepped out.  Go to a show, go to the park, take a small trip and spend time walking on the beach.  These moments that you are giving up could be some of the best moments of your life.  You will find that you feel good about yourself and in order for your White Knight to show up, you will attract him sooner when you consider yourself a Princess.  After all, is it not the White Knight that captures the heart of the Princess?  As much as we as women want a fairytale life, the reality is that we must contribute to the story as well.  And happines is something that comes from within.  No one can make you happy but they can contribute to making you happier. So enjoy life and watch what happens.

Acceptance In A Relationship Means That Your Man Is Good Enough

So many times when a couple gets comfortable with each other, there seems to be a tendency to start making demands for change.  This tends to happen with the ladies more so which gives a man a sense of inadequacy and even shame for somehow not measuring up to expectations.  When a woman expresses to her man that he change to meet her expectations, he will experience feelings of disapproval not a challenge to improve.

Much of this anticipation for acceptance and change come from the difference in the tming that men and women have when ready for committed relationships.  Women are generally ready for more solid commitments at about six months to a year whereas a man is not generally ready to make that stand for a year to two years.  During the growth period is when a couple become more aware of the person they are with.  Men do not generally require their woman to change however his partner on the other hand tends to place pressure on him to achieve her expectations.  He then tends to lose the confidence to make and keep her happy. 

So ladies, be careful of excessive demands.  Regardless of how much you tell him that you love him, if you are also telling him that he must change, he will not get the experience of warmth from you.  His instinct will be to go the other direction and he may eventually leave.  Always keep in mind too, that genuine change comes in small but significant steps. This is not to say that women should not wish to make improvements to a relationship.  The manner in which you convey that change is important to its success.  When a change is encouraged with acceptance and appreciation, it creates a positive experience and one that will be lasting.

Role Reversal In A Marriage Can Create Communication Barriers

There seems to be an increase to role reversing on the family home front recently.  The woman/mom of the family has taken on the bread earning while the husband/dad stays at home and takes care of the household.  That seems to work in some cases but when there are children involved the change in role playing can create a major gap in communication. 

Because the nature of a woman is to be a nurturer and the nature of the male is to be the warrior, raising children in a household where dad stays at home and mom works gets rocky as time goes on.  This does not happen in all homes but is more the rule and not the exception.  Sometimes the couple will research, discuss and agree on some newer forms of child rearing such co sleeping and nursing to a later age.  In a family where role reversal is in place, the male worth is challenged as the child gets older.  This especially hinders intimacy between the two.

Another issue that arises is that when the woman arrives at home she finds the the household duties are often not done or not done to her approval.  She finds that she must either do them herself or have that dreaded "Honey, we must talk" conversation.  She feels like a single mom quite often which then creates dissention between the two. She has a hard time appreciating what he has done and only sees what has not been accomplished.

Even in this world of change, one thing does remain clear. Women are the community and nurturers that is why God made them mothers. Men predominantly are the warriors and hopefully the supporters and that is why God made them fathers.  If role reversal is what you choose for your lifestyle in your home, be aware that the one thing that breaks up a couple most often besides money is communication.

Be The Mirror And Not The Magnifier For Those Around You

There is often a misconception as to whether we are helping each other to grow or maybe even hindering their growth.  The question is a great one in the fact that mentors and coaches are becoming quite a popular avenue to take as the general public is moving to online exposure.  So when you are choosing to be a mentor or seek a mentor, there is one unique principle to keep in mind.  Are they/you a mirror or a magnifier?  And what is the difference between the two?

A mirror is someone who allows a reflection of those that gaze upon it.  It can show you things that may not be very becoming and need to be changed.  It can also show the things that are good and growing and the beauty that so many times is not acknowledged.  Either way, it is not a judgement one way or another just a picture to those that look, to see what others see.

A magnified is just what it is.  It makes bigger that which it is looking at.  Most of the time, someone who is a magnifier is pointing out that which is wrong with someone or what someone is doing for everyone to see.  When they see that what they want is not being done, then critcism become the words of choice instead of praise and encouragement.

So whether you are a friend, a parent, in a relationship and especially if you are a coach or mentor, it is important to realized exactly what role you are playing.  Many coaches and mentors get frustrated when a student is not following exactly the process being taught and can say and do things indirectly to discourage the very people they are teaching.  They do not realize that they are not being a good example Then they wonder why a barrier begins to form.  Are you coaching/mentoring to benefit the interests of the student to get them where they want to go or are you doing so to make complete your own interests.  Are you being a mirror or a magnifier?

Online Dating Has Given "Blind Date" A New Meaning

It has come to my attention just recently about what may be appropriate for a blind date when it comes to activity and setting.  In this day and age, people tend to rush into and out of relationships like a revolving door.  There is no time alotted to get to know one another.  Immediately there is a sense of false commitment and then surprise when that commitment does not stick.  So the question is...What is an appropriate activity and setting when you have been recommended to someone that you have not met?  Is is a date or not?  Where should you go and what should you do?

The answer to this question is one so many do not like because it is putting on the brakes before you get started.  But to properly meet someone, it should be done in a public, casual and even fun atmosphere.  A public gathering or networking function is a great place to meet someone of the opposite sex for the first time.  Cocktails in a larger setting or even coffee is a safe and appropriate atmosphere for both men and women to meet for the first time when a friend or family member has made a recommendation and is not available to be there to make the introduction.

Meeting a stranger for a movie or dinner is not an ideal setting for that first time meet.  The atmosphere is too intimate and intimidating especially if the people meeting do not take a liking to each other in the beginning.  Also, with a meal, there is an unspoken sense of obligation for the gentleman to pay for the meal even if he does not like the woman.   

By choosing a casual meeting place and activity, there is a sense of freedom for both people to either continue seeing each other by mutually planning a proper date or going their separate ways.  This also gives room to meet a few more times casually before proceeding forward to a dating environment.  With online dating at an all time high, it is important to use caution when meeting strangers for the first time.  And even a few times after the initial get together.  There should always be a Plan B until you get to know someone better and feel comfortable with and even safe around them.  Why rush when you have the rest of your life to enjoy the right person. 

Hard Times Causes Communication To Go To the Cave More Frequently

Recently I have been getting messeges concerning how men are reacting to their women in these times of economic struggle.  With many women in the work force trying to make ends meet for the family, the need for clearer communication is on the rise.  Women come home from work and when they begin to talk about the days ups and downs, their male counter part tends to withdraw or retreat. What is understandably happenning is that he is, feeling like it is his responsibility to solve the problems that arose during the day for her and will go into what is called his cave.

The cave is the place in his mind where men find relief and the space to focus and try to solve the problem at hand.  He is unaware that his female counter part only wanted him to listen and be the shoulder to cry on like all her other girlfriends.  She is not expecting him to come up with solutions to the days issues. The not so great part of this situation is that when a man is in his cave, so to speak, he is unable to give his woman the attention she is needing.  Once he finds some kind of solution to the problem that was expressed, he can then come out of that space and resume the relationship.

Women do not always react well to this withdrawl mostly because they are either unaware of the cave or do not understand the need for the solitude. They instantly feel ignored and know that the man they care about is not paying attention to their need for communication.  She does not realize that he is unable to do so in a manner that would attend to her needs so he retreats to a distant and unresponsive cave.  Should she persist in trying to get him to communicate, she just may be attacked by the dragon that protects the mouth of the cave, which will hurt her even more. 

The best thing for a woman to do in these cases is to first of all tell him man the bottom line and that she just needs him listen.  When he does go into his cave, leave him alone.  Do not take it personal. He can not handle that kind of conversation very well and when he comes back from his time of solitude he will be of more support than before.  When this principle is learned or at least acknowledged between men and women then their communication will improve in leaps and bounds.

Your Relationship Can Depend On Communication And Asking The Right Questions

Within the first few moments of meeting someone of the opposite sex some people are probably thinking "I hope he/she is not a jerk like all the others". If you think of early love like a flower, often the petals are crushed when one or the other unknowingly does or says something that will turn the other person off. Later in a blooming relationship the same blooper can happen and might not offer any more that an uncomfortable spot then they move on. There are fatal bloopers that happen on the first date and can gnaw away at the early relationship.

First and foremost always remember the men and women DO communicate differently. They also talk about different subjects that tend to be gender related. Men tend to like to talk about sports, cars, how things work and how they can fix things. Women however like to talk about people, their problems, art, spiritual and personal growth. When a man or a woman learn a little about the interests of the opposite person, they can learn how to better communicate early in the in the dating process.   I'm Getting To Know You is a great place to get suggestions on questions you should ask when first entering into a new relationship. When you keep these in mind, the liklihood of the relationship moving to the next level is probable.

It is not a good idea to talk about feelings early in the relationship development. Women don't really mind however men will shrug the subject off as irrelevant. Unless you are with someone rare who likes to discuss gender related subjects, it is advisable to avoid and save feelings related conversation until later in the relationship.

Another major difference between male and female communications is that men will not ask for directions and women find the first person to ask when she is in unfamiliar territory. Consequently, if in fact directions are asked then a male just want the facts with no added hoopla where as a woman wants to hear about all the stuff along the way. It happens the same way when men and women give directions. Men will give just the facts and women will give a low down on the sites you will see along the way.

One additional situation that is differently communicated by a man or a woman is when trials and tribulations arise. Men would prefer to be left alone to sort through their problems. Their male friends most likely will just tell him things will work out. If a woman just does the same and keeps her mouth shut, then she will become his refuge from the storm when it blows over instead of a part of it. On the other hand a woman will get hurts feelings if a man does not ask her if she would like to talk about what ever it is that is bothering her. She does not need anyone to fix her situation she just wants to vent. So men it is advisable to just listen. Just simply listen. When she is done she will feel so much better and so will you.

What Are The Communication Differences That Men and Women Encounter

if you know anything about the way men and women communication you know that they do not do so in the same way.  Especially when they are under stress.  Women tend to become emotional and seemingly overwhelmed.  Men on the other hand become more withdrawn and focused.  The friction comes when a women feels much better by talking about problems but her male counterpart likes to solve the problem to feel better. 

Men do not like to talk about what is bothering him.  He prefers to be quiet and somewhat secluded and prefers to be alone while he is figuring out who to take care of what seems to be the problem.  When he feels he has the solution, he can them find comfort and become more social.  Unfortunately when he can figure things out he will do other things like read the newspaper or something else that will take his mind off the problem at hand. 

Women however, needs to talk about what is bothering here and the more she talks the better she feels.  Have you ever noticed that a women can talk about the same things several times during a conversation?  Women share their feelings and frustrations and in doing so feel less burdened.  There is a certain trust among women that create relationships and community when they can talk about their day, their kids, job and relationship or lack of.

Situations and misunderstandings arise when neither men or women realize that with communication they are not on the same page all the time.  When men learn how to listen to women talking about their problems it can actually help them control the need to be alone.  They realize that the problems are not their fault and therefore do not need fixing.  And when women can learn to ask for the attention of a man it helps men to feel more accepted and less likely to find the need for seclusion.  With these understandings, the communication gap between the two becomes smaller and easier to manage.  The two can share in a way that is suitable to both an be happier in the long run.