Friends and Beyond

Being Your Own Best Friend Is One Of The First Steps To Creating A Solid Relationship With Someone Else

So often, as individuals, we look for our worth and happiness in someone else to complete us.  Unfortunately, in others is not where we will find what we need to be happy and valuable.  It is within ourselves that these are found.  Being your own best friend first and trusting in your ability to be happy, and enjoy time with yourself is what creates a completeness that will carry over to another human being.

Being your own best friend takes more than just a sudden leap of faith to change your life.  It takes a conscious act, a decision to take your life into your own hands.  Change is not something that most people do easily.  It is so much easier to blame others for decisions that we choose not to make regarding our own lives. Struggles almost always come first and there is alot of plugging along that will happen. and miracles do happen to those who are ready.

People very often want to be perfect and become very discouraged when they are not.  Judging yourself by unreachable standards is a way of mistreating yourself.When people say they want to let go what they really need to do is to take hold. Often people are accustomed to waiting for someone else to give a kind or encouraging word.  However, we have so many of those for ourselves that we forget to say, hoping they will come from those around us.  We all get disappointed and neglect to realize that we had them inside all along. And who else should be kinder to you than YOU.

Embrace The Changes You See In Your Family And Friends

The world is ever changing and so are people of all races, colors, ethnic societies and ages.  Sometimes the changes we see and experience happen in our own circle of family and friends.  And unfortunately those can sometimes be the hardest to accept. 

I have experienced this in two ways myself.  The first was directly after my car accident in 2007 when I decided to leave my career of twenty nine years as an optician and being being an entrepreneur, coach and logistics coordinator of sorts for a personal development training company that was instrumental in the changes in my life. My passion was to help others create lives that would make them happy, healthy and financially free.   My friends and family not only did not understand but they did not really support me because of that lack of understanding.  To often people get so stuck with the familiar in in your life and theirs that they can not embrace the fact that with change comes growth. 

Another instances that was close to home was when a good friend of mine decided to not only marry someone that I was unsure of, but gave up all that she knew to move to a diffeent state and start over.  An interesting revelation hit me just recently and one I have known for some time...when people stop being who they pretend to be and start being who they really are, it creates havoc in their circle of family and friends who think they should stay the same.  But the reality is, that when people do make changes in their lives, it is not always to our liking.  However when others express the same opinions about our lives, we tend to feel it is uncalled for and inappropriate.  Wow..

The key to building and supporting healthy friend and family relationships is to embrace the changes that others make in their lives even when we do not agree.  After all, it is their life to live..is it not?  Allow this person to grow as we individually do not know what God has in store for each of us in His master plan.  It is our own personal intentions and requests that set the Universe in motion to create our own dreams and not those dreams of another.   You must trust the Universe. So the phase "Let it go"  is of more importance than we realize especially when faced with a life changing decision that one of our own friends or family members makes.  Get to know them again, embrace the change and watch the magic come to life. 

It Takes Time To Build A Quality Relationship

Love at first sight is not really love in its truest form.  It is more of an infatuation as a couple moves into the getting to know each other phase of a relationship.  Yes, it is true that there are a few who meet and move directly into a marriage and it works, however this is not the usual case. 

When two people begin to spend time together a funny thing tends to happen along the way.  The real someone that many times hides behind the "putting your best foot forward" will begin to emerge. Somewhere along the line the differences that are not seen in the beginning could lead to a misunderstanding and a fight of some kind.  It is these bumps in the road that help in create the stability that a good relationship is based on. 

Sometimes a breakup happens as well.  It is during this time that a great relationship will emerge or a not so great relationship should remain broken.   This time apart allows you to take a step back and either evaluate or re-evaluate the aspects of the relationship in it's truest form.  It is possible that you have purposely overlooked things that occurred in fear that you would lose the other person when in fact that person is not the right person for you in the first place.  If you are female always remember that a man needs time apart and is unable to maintain the closeness that females do since we are community individuals.  Sometimes this time is misconstrued as there being something wrong when in fact he is just in his cave sorting things out and you need to reconnect with the things that made you happy before you began your relationship.  When he returns to you it will be as it was before the time spent apart. 

You can then resume building a solid and quality relationship which only grows with time.  There is a ton of information available when you find yourself in a situation where you are unsure of the next step.  Use it and apply the principles.  There are several that I have put in the Resources section of this website that are proven and produce results if you are willing to take a step and educate yourself.  Yes, it takes some educating to build anything that will stand a lifetime and is worth the effort and that includes your relationship.

Brand New Relationships Require Mutual Understanding For A Strong Foundation

In every beginning relationship there is a stong desire for a lasting relationship. So many times that fire is extinquished by things like unfulfilled needs. When we understand that the needs of man and woman are different, then we can better learn how to bring them to fullment. In the beginning while you are getting to know each other, there are a few things that each of you should or should not do to establish a good foundation from which to build.

The first thing to keep in mind is that just because you go on a first and maybe even a second date, that does not mean that you are boyfriend and girlfriend. It just means that there is a mutual attraction between the two of you from which you can grow into a relationship. Generally this stage of relationship building is judged on how good and how often there is a sexual encounter between the two. This changes in time because a man's first need is sexual fulfillment and a woman's first need is affection. Although they are not the same, they go together hand in hand. After all, affection is the glue of any relationship. A woman will grow like a flower when her man learns the types of affection she responds too. And in turn this same woman is more likely to fulfill the sexual needs or her man when that need for affection is fulfilled.

The beginning of any relationship is where two people begin to feel an aura of magic. Romantic love is a rare endeavor that will succeed to its fullest when it requires the least amount of effort. Always maintain a certain amount of interests and activities outside your relationship. It will allow both of you to continue to grow individually and as well as a couple. Keep in mind that respect will always precede love. In the beginning if you loose respect, the foundation from which you began to build will begin to crumble and sooner if not later there will be a breakup. It is not difficult to learn the little things that fill the separate needs of the person you are creating a relationship with. Take the time to do so and you will find that individually you are happier as well.

 

 

Online Dating Has Given "Blind Date" A New Meaning

It has come to my attention just recently about what may be appropriate for a blind date when it comes to activity and setting.  In this day and age, people tend to rush into and out of relationships like a revolving door.  There is no time alotted to get to know one another.  Immediately there is a sense of false commitment and then surprise when that commitment does not stick.  So the question is...What is an appropriate activity and setting when you have been recommended to someone that you have not met?  Is is a date or not?  Where should you go and what should you do?

The answer to this question is one so many do not like because it is putting on the brakes before you get started.  But to properly meet someone, it should be done in a public, casual and even fun atmosphere.  A public gathering or networking function is a great place to meet someone of the opposite sex for the first time.  Cocktails in a larger setting or even coffee is a safe and appropriate atmosphere for both men and women to meet for the first time when a friend or family member has made a recommendation and is not available to be there to make the introduction.

Meeting a stranger for a movie or dinner is not an ideal setting for that first time meet.  The atmosphere is too intimate and intimidating especially if the people meeting do not take a liking to each other in the beginning.  Also, with a meal, there is an unspoken sense of obligation for the gentleman to pay for the meal even if he does not like the woman.   

By choosing a casual meeting place and activity, there is a sense of freedom for both people to either continue seeing each other by mutually planning a proper date or going their separate ways.  This also gives room to meet a few more times casually before proceeding forward to a dating environment.  With online dating at an all time high, it is important to use caution when meeting strangers for the first time.  And even a few times after the initial get together.  There should always be a Plan B until you get to know someone better and feel comfortable with and even safe around them.  Why rush when you have the rest of your life to enjoy the right person. 

Old Schools Friends Can Still Be Good Friends

Even after many years people who have not spoken for years run back into each other and find there is so much to talk about.  But sometimes because of the time, distance and chains of circumstances there is a hesitation to share. This comes from a fear of what the other might think if the circumstances were not favorable.  The good news is that no matter how far the two have been apart or the geographic distance between them, some things like a real frendship never change.  So sharing each other's memories with just a little getting recquainted, flows easily.  Before you know it they are laughing at the funny things, supporting the things that are sad or hurtful and enjoying a experience many avoid for fear of what the other might think.  High school reunions are often an instigator of such a instance in people's lives.  when this des happen, embrace the opportunity to get reacquainted and build on the foundation of the friendship for future communication.  With patience, a solid loyalty and sense of security is established and you will be amaed at how quickly years and distance are shortened and a harbor of friendship is recreated for eveyone involved.  So if you fall into tis situation don't be afraid to trust the friendship that once was as being a friendshiop that still is.

Is It Your Story Or Their Story

Have you noticed that at times you may get upset for a friend or family member only to find out that the occurrence or situation really was not a problem to them as much as it was to you.  Many times we get caught up in a communication gap and are bent out of shape for someone else when really it is something we need to deal with ourselves.  We think we are displaying loylty when in actuality it is our own story we are not will to acknowledge.  We are really the ones who have the issue and project the unwillingness to face it onto someone else.  This is usually friends or family.  We say they ar uspset when really it is ourself that is upset.  Have patience though because as soon as we begin to aknowledge that is is our story we can then recognized when smeone else is project in the same way as well.  We can the remind them that the story is theirs and not yours.  This way you will not get caught up in someone else's drama and prevent from getting others caught up in yours.  This then hls to reshape our attitude and and the attitude or those around us.  When you take ownership of your own story, you then can make adjustments to either continue or change the story that you have.  We then become rsponsible for the outcome of our daily lives.

What Do You Do When You Break Up With Your Partner

It seem couples are breaking up at an alaming rate.  There are severalthings to keep in mind when this happens.  First of all if it i a marriage it is important to think and believe in rebuilding and not divorce.  Remember that what you focus on will expand.  This is true of divorce.  If you constantly think of ending in divorce, the chances are that you will in fact end that way.  A key thing to remember is that a separation of any kind is a cry for some space to think and regroup.  Re evaluate the relationship and dedermine the reason you became a couple in the beginning.  Are you still doing those things?  If not then why?  It is very important to be real in the beginning but even more important to be real in your re evaluation.  Have patience that the best for both people involved will emerge.  Should our re evaluation result in the common desire to reunite, focus on rebuilding a better foundation than the first so when the wins of adversity hit, that foundation is less likely to crack.

Do You Know Who Your Friends Are?

Just recently someone I know was involved in a near head on auto collision.  Not only is an event like this traumatic, but you find out who your friends really are.  She was transported by ambulance to a hospital which means everything handled at the accident site was handle by someone else.  She needed a ride home and here is where she learned who were friends in her life.  One girl changed a doctor's appointment and with her baby came to pick her up at the hospital to take her home.  One girl met her at the house and took her to lunch, to try to retreive the personal belongings from the car and get a rental.  One spent time on the computer doing research since the driver responsible for the accident did not give proper insurance information. One has been in touch from California to keep spirits up and encourage when reality gets a little heavy.  Today, a friend's husband offered to help get another car since the other vehicle was totaled.  These people have lives of their own but have taken time out to lend a helping hand in whatever way they could.  These are truly the kind of friends that bless another in need.  Their generosity, loyalty and patience is something that we should hope shows in our life when someone we know and care about is in need.  Do you know who your friends are.  Don't let a situation like this happen before you find out who is an acquaintance and who is a friend.  Then show them your loyalty, generosity and friendship on a regular basis.  It is nice to know who your friends really are when the chips are down. 

A Visit From A Good Friend

This weekend I spent some wonderful time with a new and good friend.  She came in from California on Friday evening to attend a seminar.  Although we spent a day and a half we spent some quality time having some fun as well.  After a full day in the seminar we had dinner and then went out on the town to see an entertainer I know.  It had been some time since I shared time with someone who had a great attitude and zeal for life.  The following day we attended the morning session then went for a brunch before just hanging out at my home.  To finished the evening and weekend we joined another friend of ours for a barbeque then called it a night.  During that time I found that we communicated in many different and positive ways.  Her generosity humbled me and I found a new appreciation in the time she spent with me.  This person is Connie Regan Green and she inspires me to go beyond my limits to succeed.  Thanks Connie for a wonderful experience.