Friends and Beyond

Four Critters That Eat Away At The Foundation Of Any Relationship

There are a number of couples that go through breakups and wonder just what went wrong. Where did the love they once have begin to crumble leaving a pile of rubble which once was a relationship or a marriage. Maybe they did not realize that they had critters in their foundation and did not see the destruction before it was too late. There are four in particular to be aware of if you feel there is a breakdown in your communication.

It is not the big things that break down a relationship or marriage. These types of problems can actually bring a couple together more than most will expect. But indeed it is true that small problems can create small holes that cause a relationship to have leaks that turn into breakups.

Being too busy is considered a pest to a relationship. Many times a couple will become too involved with other people's problems, children's activities, charities and various events, household ,responsibilities and the world around them in general. These are not bad things but in excess, they are still too many. We take very little time to sit sown, relax, and share some of that time with the ones we care about the most. Our communication begins to breakdown and pretty soon there is no communication at all.

The more common critter that damages a relationship or marriage is known as confusion. Many relationships start out very immature. The couple dates a few times or for a short period of time then jump right into a committed living arrangement or more so marriage before they take the time to get to know each other. Without that growth between the two, the levels of communication never really develop as they should. Then along comes a child that adds to the confusion by adding more responsibility to an already immature relationship.

To add to the critters invading a relationship comes the one of stubbornness. Stubbornness can rear it's head as either subtle or quite obvious. The quiet type of stubborn or subtle stubborn is one that will insist on standing a situation but is unwilling to be very cooperative in a given situation. Whereas the obvious form of stubborn will rise up and challenge without any intention of being the one to give in no matter what. Either form of stubborn is deadly to the foundation and growth of a relationship and could be more so to a marriage.

And last but certainly not least is the critter of insensitivity. After some time has passed there tends to be the attitude that it's not worth the effort to try. The opposite side isone or the other of the couple just doesn't seem to care anymore. Feelings are not taken into consideration and a distance is created between the two. Two separate worlds begin to emerge. Neither sees the hurt that can come from a partner in a relationship that just does not care.

How does a couple that is experiencing these breakdowns in their relationship get rid of the pesky critters? The first and formost thing that needs to happen is to realize and admit that there are problems to address. Then communication needs to be up front and honest. This is when a couple can work together to find solutions to get rid the critters at hand. The most important step to take is to start right now to insure the success of the plan the two have decided upon. Find new ways to rekindle the flame that once burned bright. With a little effort and some perseverence any couple can repair a damaged foundation and build a healthy and happy relationship or marriage.

 

Role Reversal In A Marriage Can Create Communication Barriers

There seems to be an increase to role reversing on the family home front recently.  The woman/mom of the family has taken on the bread earning while the husband/dad stays at home and takes care of the household.  That seems to work in some cases but when there are children involved the change in role playing can create a major gap in communication. 

Because the nature of a woman is to be a nurturer and the nature of the male is to be the warrior, raising children in a household where dad stays at home and mom works gets rocky as time goes on.  This does not happen in all homes but is more the rule and not the exception.  Sometimes the couple will research, discuss and agree on some newer forms of child rearing such co sleeping and nursing to a later age.  In a family where role reversal is in place, the male worth is challenged as the child gets older.  This especially hinders intimacy between the two.

Another issue that arises is that when the woman arrives at home she finds the the household duties are often not done or not done to her approval.  She finds that she must either do them herself or have that dreaded "Honey, we must talk" conversation.  She feels like a single mom quite often which then creates dissention between the two. She has a hard time appreciating what he has done and only sees what has not been accomplished.

Even in this world of change, one thing does remain clear. Women are the community and nurturers that is why God made them mothers. Men predominantly are the warriors and hopefully the supporters and that is why God made them fathers.  If role reversal is what you choose for your lifestyle in your home, be aware that the one thing that breaks up a couple most often besides money is communication.

Before Getting Married There Is One Important Subject That You Need To Discuss

Before making plans for a wedding after you say "I Do" there is some other planning that needs to take place.  These are the plans for your financial future.  Finances is one subject that most couples have no communication about before they take the ultimate walk down the aisle.  Yet, it the most import plans that need to be duscussed and agreed upon.  It is amazing when two people come together how different their approaches to money can be. 

Indeed this can be one of the most difficult conversations to have prior to marriage but this matter should be discussed before you decide how many will be attend the ceremony.  If you have this communication about the finances early in your relationship afeter you decide to tie the know you mostly likely will get off to a much better start.  There are several questions that you can ask to include the amount of accounts there are and what kind are they, how many credit card and their limits and balances to name two.  Obviously these alone could cause some discomfort in the evening conversations but without them you could be doomed to financial setbacks or blessed with a firm financial foundation. So before you say "I Do" do talk money. 

What Do You Do When You Break Up With Your Partner

It seem couples are breaking up at an alaming rate.  There are severalthings to keep in mind when this happens.  First of all if it i a marriage it is important to think and believe in rebuilding and not divorce.  Remember that what you focus on will expand.  This is true of divorce.  If you constantly think of ending in divorce, the chances are that you will in fact end that way.  A key thing to remember is that a separation of any kind is a cry for some space to think and regroup.  Re evaluate the relationship and dedermine the reason you became a couple in the beginning.  Are you still doing those things?  If not then why?  It is very important to be real in the beginning but even more important to be real in your re evaluation.  Have patience that the best for both people involved will emerge.  Should our re evaluation result in the common desire to reunite, focus on rebuilding a better foundation than the first so when the wins of adversity hit, that foundation is less likely to crack.

Critters In Your Relationship

Many times a couple will go along in a relationship or marriage and not realize that there are critters eating away at their relationship.  Each person gets caught up in the daily routine and are blind to the other person and their needs.  Things become mundane or overrated and the couple begins to come apart unknowingly.  This happens like temites destroy a building.  It is subtle but none the less destructive.  From time to time it is a good idea to communicate with each other and do pest control to ward out pests that can damage or destroy the very thing that you once cherished.  By being aware when the little poblems that are destructive critters have invaded, a couple can take the measures needed to keep the relationship healthy and alive.