Friends and Beyond

Embrace The Changes You See In Your Family And Friends

The world is ever changing and so are people of all races, colors, ethnic societies and ages.  Sometimes the changes we see and experience happen in our own circle of family and friends.  And unfortunately those can sometimes be the hardest to accept. 

I have experienced this in two ways myself.  The first was directly after my car accident in 2007 when I decided to leave my career of twenty nine years as an optician and being being an entrepreneur, coach and logistics coordinator of sorts for a personal development training company that was instrumental in the changes in my life. My passion was to help others create lives that would make them happy, healthy and financially free.   My friends and family not only did not understand but they did not really support me because of that lack of understanding.  To often people get so stuck with the familiar in in your life and theirs that they can not embrace the fact that with change comes growth. 

Another instances that was close to home was when a good friend of mine decided to not only marry someone that I was unsure of, but gave up all that she knew to move to a diffeent state and start over.  An interesting revelation hit me just recently and one I have known for some time...when people stop being who they pretend to be and start being who they really are, it creates havoc in their circle of family and friends who think they should stay the same.  But the reality is, that when people do make changes in their lives, it is not always to our liking.  However when others express the same opinions about our lives, we tend to feel it is uncalled for and inappropriate.  Wow..

The key to building and supporting healthy friend and family relationships is to embrace the changes that others make in their lives even when we do not agree.  After all, it is their life to live..is it not?  Allow this person to grow as we individually do not know what God has in store for each of us in His master plan.  It is our own personal intentions and requests that set the Universe in motion to create our own dreams and not those dreams of another.   You must trust the Universe. So the phase "Let it go"  is of more importance than we realize especially when faced with a life changing decision that one of our own friends or family members makes.  Get to know them again, embrace the change and watch the magic come to life. 

It Takes Time To Build A Quality Relationship

Love at first sight is not really love in its truest form.  It is more of an infatuation as a couple moves into the getting to know each other phase of a relationship.  Yes, it is true that there are a few who meet and move directly into a marriage and it works, however this is not the usual case. 

When two people begin to spend time together a funny thing tends to happen along the way.  The real someone that many times hides behind the "putting your best foot forward" will begin to emerge. Somewhere along the line the differences that are not seen in the beginning could lead to a misunderstanding and a fight of some kind.  It is these bumps in the road that help in create the stability that a good relationship is based on. 

Sometimes a breakup happens as well.  It is during this time that a great relationship will emerge or a not so great relationship should remain broken.   This time apart allows you to take a step back and either evaluate or re-evaluate the aspects of the relationship in it's truest form.  It is possible that you have purposely overlooked things that occurred in fear that you would lose the other person when in fact that person is not the right person for you in the first place.  If you are female always remember that a man needs time apart and is unable to maintain the closeness that females do since we are community individuals.  Sometimes this time is misconstrued as there being something wrong when in fact he is just in his cave sorting things out and you need to reconnect with the things that made you happy before you began your relationship.  When he returns to you it will be as it was before the time spent apart. 

You can then resume building a solid and quality relationship which only grows with time.  There is a ton of information available when you find yourself in a situation where you are unsure of the next step.  Use it and apply the principles.  There are several that I have put in the Resources section of this website that are proven and produce results if you are willing to take a step and educate yourself.  Yes, it takes some educating to build anything that will stand a lifetime and is worth the effort and that includes your relationship.

3 Common Emotional Needs That Create Misunderstanding In Any Relationship

As long as relationships between men and women have been in existence, there is still one well known fact. Most problems in relationships stem from a lack of understanding between the needs of a woman and the needs of a man. And they are not the same but they do compliment each other. There are six combinations of emotional needs that come to play in every relationship.

 

This first and not in this is order is that women need respect but men need appreciation.  For the man, physical expressions of respect for a woman include things like remembering birthdays and anniversaries to flowers and will show her that he has taken into consideration her thoughts and feelings.  When this happens she is more capable of acknowledging the man's behavior and let him know his efforts were not wasted,   he then feels appreciated and that will empower him and give him the motivation to respect her even more.

 

Another place where men and women fall short is that a woman primary need is to be cared for while and man's primary need is to be trusted.  When a man shows interest in a woman's feeling and concerns, she feels cared about.  In turn she returns this fulfillment by trusting her man more and more.  As her trust grows, she is more open which allows for her man to become even more attentive and caring to her.

 

One aspect of emotion that is generally misunderstood and in so many relationships is that women need to be understood but on the same token men need to be accepted.  So often a woman will get involved with a man and hope that she can change or improve him.  It is imperative for a relationship that a woman receives a man with favor and believes he can and will make his own decisions concerning improvements.  When a man feels this kind of acceptance, it is easier for him to listen without judgment and give understanding in the manner that allow her and her feelings to feel heard.

 

There are three other areas in a relationship between men and women that must be considered.  but starting with these three will dramatically help to avoid a troubled or rocky start or improve an already established relationship.  Although these emotions are very different, they go hand in hand to build successful, loving and lasting foundations for any relationship. 

Conversation For Any Relationship Often Builds Better Foundations.

Conversation is one of the major ways that people can express feelings, ideas, opinions, dreams and so on to others.  It is also a primary way of starting new friendships and relationships.  There are techniques that you can learn to help you in the area of starting a conversation, especially if it is for you.  Most people really do want to share but are unsure how to get started.

 

Be the first to say “Hello” As difficult as this sounds, it is a sure way of overcoming your fear of not being addressed.  It is an open door for others to walk through a talk with you.

 

Introduce yourself to other people.  One way to keep the conversation going after “Hello” is to introduce yourself and smile.  This is an obvious welcome for conversation and most people that you introduce yourself to will do the same.

 

Make a conscious effort to remember the names of the people you meet.  This is a challenge for some and easy for others.  But very important for future encounters.

 

Don’t be afraid to ask a person their name if you have forgotten it.  They will appreciate that you care enough to make sure you have it and have it right.

 

Be curious and show an interest in the people around you whom you are speaking with.  People like to talk about themselves.

 

Be open to new ideas when they are presented.  A big conversation turner is when a person is closed to hearing ideas and concepts that another person holds.  Not being open to hear also portrays lack of interest.

 

Don’t be afraid to tell others about important things that happened in your life.  An openness to share a little about yourself allows the people around you to learn more about conversational topics you like.

 

Be a good listener.  When another person is talking, make sure that you are not butting in.  When he or she is done with their thought, is when you can safely make a comment or ask a question. 

 

These are only just a few tips that you can use to improve your conversations with others.  If you put these into practice, you will find that more and more you will be talking with others and learning new things.  You will find yourself happier and have more friends and acquaintances.  These tips can help you in your relationship as well.

 

There Is A Difference Between A Business Partner And A Friend, Sometimes The Twains Don't Meet

Most business partners that enter into a business agreement are not necessarily friends.  However there are some that will intermingle the idea that personal considerations are expected such as discounts, saved seats and other such favors which if not kept in check can become the statis quo.  Unfortunately this is in many situations, not the case. and offense is taken on a business level when one partner either is not able to do so or considers the request against his or her integrity. 

If you are faced with this situation from time to time or even just once, it is time to re-evaluate your partnership and what it stands for. And is this the type of person that you can trust your success and wealth to when the chips are down or will they backout and walk away when they do not get their way.  The partner that will challenge you on having their "back" is usually the one who does not have yours.  They will try to renig on financial obligations. They can not seem to seperate business from personal and their jugement becomes hampered.

Recently I ran into this situation and had to make a decision based on the integrity and character of the person that I was entering into a business agreement with. While she was attending a course that I was staffing she requested that I save a seat for her to allow her to come closer to start time.  Although I knew it is not necessarily appropriate, I filled the request and left it at that.  However on the second day, the same person asked if I had done such favor again in which I indicted that I had not.  On day three, I left a text message to let her know that I was unable to fill the request and suggested that she come a little earlier. That suggestion was given because I had noticed patterns in the short time I had worked with her to be late, have little regard for others as well as not paying her bills and strategically getting others to pay first for her to reimburse later which alot of times does not happen.  Keep in mind that there was no friendship established at this point either. Friendships are build on strong foundations to include trust and integrity.

That is when the crap hit the fan.  Accusations of not having her back and a partner finds a way to cover even if it is against the company standard that you are representing and your integity. With the intentional insult on her part, I immediately removed the website from the internet that I built and submitted an invoice for the completed work. The website would then be uploaded upon payment. Because I believe that what you do anytime is what you do everytime I was concerned if I continued to attempt working on this project... what else would cause such inappropriate and uncalled for accusations. 

Before entering into any business partnership or agreement with anyone, pay attention to their habits and patterns. Over time the best foot forward and hype will begin to diminish and the real person begins to emerge.  This is when you determine the integrity of the person and validity of the proposal they want to enter into with you.  Also, should you begin doing work with this potential partner make sure you have paid invoices before releasing any completed work.  This insures that you are covering your own back first before commiting to future dealings in anyone proposing a partnership.  In other words, make sure your ducks are in a row or they may wander off in an unexpect and unwanted direction.

Be The Mirror And Not The Magnifier For Those Around You

There is often a misconception as to whether we are helping each other to grow or maybe even hindering their growth.  The question is a great one in the fact that mentors and coaches are becoming quite a popular avenue to take as the general public is moving to online exposure.  So when you are choosing to be a mentor or seek a mentor, there is one unique principle to keep in mind.  Are they/you a mirror or a magnifier?  And what is the difference between the two?

A mirror is someone who allows a reflection of those that gaze upon it.  It can show you things that may not be very becoming and need to be changed.  It can also show the things that are good and growing and the beauty that so many times is not acknowledged.  Either way, it is not a judgement one way or another just a picture to those that look, to see what others see.

A magnified is just what it is.  It makes bigger that which it is looking at.  Most of the time, someone who is a magnifier is pointing out that which is wrong with someone or what someone is doing for everyone to see.  When they see that what they want is not being done, then critcism become the words of choice instead of praise and encouragement.

So whether you are a friend, a parent, in a relationship and especially if you are a coach or mentor, it is important to realized exactly what role you are playing.  Many coaches and mentors get frustrated when a student is not following exactly the process being taught and can say and do things indirectly to discourage the very people they are teaching.  They do not realize that they are not being a good example Then they wonder why a barrier begins to form.  Are you coaching/mentoring to benefit the interests of the student to get them where they want to go or are you doing so to make complete your own interests.  Are you being a mirror or a magnifier?

Online Dating Has Given "Blind Date" A New Meaning

It has come to my attention just recently about what may be appropriate for a blind date when it comes to activity and setting.  In this day and age, people tend to rush into and out of relationships like a revolving door.  There is no time alotted to get to know one another.  Immediately there is a sense of false commitment and then surprise when that commitment does not stick.  So the question is...What is an appropriate activity and setting when you have been recommended to someone that you have not met?  Is is a date or not?  Where should you go and what should you do?

The answer to this question is one so many do not like because it is putting on the brakes before you get started.  But to properly meet someone, it should be done in a public, casual and even fun atmosphere.  A public gathering or networking function is a great place to meet someone of the opposite sex for the first time.  Cocktails in a larger setting or even coffee is a safe and appropriate atmosphere for both men and women to meet for the first time when a friend or family member has made a recommendation and is not available to be there to make the introduction.

Meeting a stranger for a movie or dinner is not an ideal setting for that first time meet.  The atmosphere is too intimate and intimidating especially if the people meeting do not take a liking to each other in the beginning.  Also, with a meal, there is an unspoken sense of obligation for the gentleman to pay for the meal even if he does not like the woman.   

By choosing a casual meeting place and activity, there is a sense of freedom for both people to either continue seeing each other by mutually planning a proper date or going their separate ways.  This also gives room to meet a few more times casually before proceeding forward to a dating environment.  With online dating at an all time high, it is important to use caution when meeting strangers for the first time.  And even a few times after the initial get together.  There should always be a Plan B until you get to know someone better and feel comfortable with and even safe around them.  Why rush when you have the rest of your life to enjoy the right person. 

When Are Your Friends, Friends Or Just Acquaintances

Have you ever wondered if your friends are really your friends.  Or have they turned into just another acquaintance.  Most people think that what starts out as friendship stays that way but that is not necessarily true.  As time goes on you can always count on friends to be there when you need them and keep an open line of communication.  There is true appreciation when you help them out or just be there when they need you.

But what do you call them when your need arises time and time again and they are never available or always have their own drama going on.  When you want to get together they are always too busy.  They ask for your help and you go running but when the tables are turned there is always something going on that prevents them from being there for you.  Is this what a friend is?  Or have they moved into acquaintance mode and are friends only when they need you.  If this is happening to you then maybe it is time to move on and find people who truly wish to share friendship.  Maybe it is time to re-evaluate who your friends are and are not.  See how many times you get put on the back burner and where your friends really are when you need a helping hand.  You will probably find that these people are no longer you friend but are not just an acquaintance

How Do You Know If Your First Date Went Well

Nowadays it is almost unusual to meet someone in person with all the online dating going on.  Hopefully during your communication, you have developed some kind of friendship enough to eventually meet face to face.  This can be nerve racking and the question will alsways pop up about how the first date will go or after the dat, how did it go. There are a few signs to watch for as you step into this new found arena.

First indicator is whether you are actually excited to go out with this person.  If you do not have any of this excitement or notice the other person does not seem to have it then more than likely this date may not turn out well.  Once past this point it is important if the gentleman has spent some time planning the date and not flying by the seat of his pants.  Spontenuity is great but not on the first date.  That is something that comes down the road when your dates turn into a relationship.  If during your date either of you maintain a certain amount of eye contact and is free to laugh when something is humerous, that is a sign that your date is going well and there should be signs of a repeat occassion. 

The most important thing to remember is that the first date is not the end of the world and the possible relationship is to be rushed.  Take some time to get to know each other before jumping into an immediate gluing to the hips exclusivity.  Too many times a couple breakups because they did not take the time to allow for a peaceful parting of the ways in the beginning when incompatibilty can and does rear it's head. 

Conversations Can Help Build Friendships Beginning With Body Language

Making friends isn't always easy for some people.  It may be helpful to know that learning how to start and maintain a conversation is a major key in developing lasting friendships.  Or avoiding certain frienships for that matter.  But starting a conversation can be difficult for some people also.  One good thing to know is that about 70% of all communication is not verbal.  Your body language will communicate your attitude and feelings long before you ever open your mouth to speak.  It will also tell someone how open you are to others for a conversation.  So it is a good idea to pay attention to your body language.

By learning a few very important things to keep in mind, you can be better able to either begin or join into a conversation with people that you would like to start a friendship with.  The very first thing you must do is to smile.  This is a warm gesture that invites others to come closer and talk for a while.  The way you stand can either invite or turn away a prospective person whom you might want to talk with.  Slumped over with folded arms is not an inviting posture to portray.  Standing up straight with confidence and arms to your sides says to someone that you welcome a conversation with them. 

There are several more techniques and tactics you can learn to invite and welcome a conversation.  It is wise to find the ones that you can easily learn or change to help you create more friendships or even business relationships as well.  After a short time you will find that you too can enjoy fun and friendly converstions with others around you.