Friends and Beyond

Embrace The Changes You See In Your Family And Friends

The world is ever changing and so are people of all races, colors, ethnic societies and ages.  Sometimes the changes we see and experience happen in our own circle of family and friends.  And unfortunately those can sometimes be the hardest to accept. 

I have experienced this in two ways myself.  The first was directly after my car accident in 2007 when I decided to leave my career of twenty nine years as an optician and being being an entrepreneur, coach and logistics coordinator of sorts for a personal development training company that was instrumental in the changes in my life. My passion was to help others create lives that would make them happy, healthy and financially free.   My friends and family not only did not understand but they did not really support me because of that lack of understanding.  To often people get so stuck with the familiar in in your life and theirs that they can not embrace the fact that with change comes growth. 

Another instances that was close to home was when a good friend of mine decided to not only marry someone that I was unsure of, but gave up all that she knew to move to a diffeent state and start over.  An interesting revelation hit me just recently and one I have known for some time...when people stop being who they pretend to be and start being who they really are, it creates havoc in their circle of family and friends who think they should stay the same.  But the reality is, that when people do make changes in their lives, it is not always to our liking.  However when others express the same opinions about our lives, we tend to feel it is uncalled for and inappropriate.  Wow..

The key to building and supporting healthy friend and family relationships is to embrace the changes that others make in their lives even when we do not agree.  After all, it is their life to live..is it not?  Allow this person to grow as we individually do not know what God has in store for each of us in His master plan.  It is our own personal intentions and requests that set the Universe in motion to create our own dreams and not those dreams of another.   You must trust the Universe. So the phase "Let it go"  is of more importance than we realize especially when faced with a life changing decision that one of our own friends or family members makes.  Get to know them again, embrace the change and watch the magic come to life. 

In Many Cases, Women Determine Their Own Worth By Their Current Relationship

Have you ever noticed that dogs and their owners begin to look like each other?  Well the same thing begins to happen to women who are in a relationship that is not working or not right for them.  They begin to determine their own worth by the circumstances arising for a defective or defaulted relationship.  This is not always with just men, it can be that of friends and coworkers as well.  But most of the time it is with the man they are spending their time with.

When you look at how a woman's life changes when a man enters the picture you will be amazed at how you, if you are female, tend to do the same thing.  A day does not go by that you want to eat, sleep and breathe the presence of you current gentleman friend.  Then wonder why they tend to want and need space a lot more than usual. 

Women tend to forget they have friends and family that used to be a part of their lives when they were truely single.  As a matter of fact it is healthy and highly recommended that a woman continue to spend an ample amount of time with her friends and loved ones.  This way the need to control or over commit to their new found love is kept under control.  Women are community creatures that need to chat consistantly whereas a male is more of a one man show.  When a women has a problem or situation, they need to talk about it until they satisfy themselves or find a solution.  A man on the other hand tends to want to find a corner of the world until they have found a reasonable solution to the situation or problem.

This is when you will hear..."What is wrong with me?" "What have I done?" "Why doesn't he want to spend time with me?"  Immediately their sense of worth diminishes and the downhill slide begins.  When a woman realizes that their worth has nothing to do with the solving of a problem or situation, they will find that they will experience a much happier and more successful relationship that is more likely to become fruitful as it grows. 

A woman worth is determined by who she is and what she contributes to the world around her.  Insecurity and self doubt do not have to be a part of that world.  When she realizes that her happiness comes from within, those around her can and will feel the warmth and see the luminesence that comes from a woman who deems herself worthy of all the goodness available to her.  It is then that she can truely give the gifts that she holds to those she cares about. 

Do You Ever Say Goodbye To A Friend

After establishing a foundation of friendship, we tend to get comfortable having the communication and the time to socialize.  Down the street is a short distance when you want to meet for lunch or cocktails and some casual conversation.  But somewhere down the line, your friend decides to move to a different city and state. 

This is a time when some actually feel a loss.  This really is not necessary, as sad as it may seem if you are true friends.  Yes, it is difficult to wish them well when you will no longer have them near to fill in some friend time when you both need it.  But keep in mind that true friendship does not die,  just like true love.  You friend is still your friend!  And you may find that you have a better quality time when you do talk.  It also gives you a great opportunity to do some traveling for a well need visit.  Or when they come to visit you, you can spend quality time revisiting fun times you had and enjoy a variety of special times during the visit. 

I have a friend like that right now.  It has been difficult accepting the fact that she has decided to relocate to Tennessee.  First she moved from across the street to across town and now she is moving across country.  The selfish part of me wants to be hurt and abandoned.  But the higher self part of me is excited for her and wants to wish for her the best.  One thing I have remembered from my youth is that you never really leave someon you love.  They take part of you with them, leaving part of them behind.  That is what makes them special.  So to my very good friend and she knows who she is, I send hugs, love, happiness, and the very best wishes for an amazaing journey.  I will always be here for you because you hold a very special place in my heart.  And I believe that God has His hand on your life and will watch over you while there is distance.  I believe there is no distance too far that we can not reach beyond with the help of God. 

Is He Into You Or Not, Ladies? That Is The Question

With the new movie out "He's just not that into you" I was reminded about how often ladies deal with this issue sometimes on a daily basis.  Not too long ago a friend of mine wanted me to meet a man that came into the restaurant where she tended bar.  I agreed and she through a casual conversation told him about me and after some thought he called her with his phones numbers to give to me.  (First Indicator) A day or two went by and I finally did call and set up a time to have a cocktail and share some conversation.  The get together went well and the gentlman told me that he would call me by the end of the weekend.  It was at this time Tuesday.  Well the weekend came and went without a call.  As nice as he was, one thing came to my mind.  He just wasn't that interested and that was OK.  I am quite a busy girl anyway. 

Well.....my friend after sometime decided that I should call him and tell him I was thinking of him.  I told her NO.  If this man had an interest in me then he would have called regardless.  She proceeded to tell me that times have changed and I was thinking old fashion.  I tried to explain that as old fashion as it may seem, men are warriors and will fight armies to get the attention of a woman that has caught his fancy.  There are not enough excuses in the book to explain away that when you do not do what you say you are going to do you lose trust and that is not a very good foundation for the future.

So ladies, refrain from picking up the phone and calling a guy just because you think it will help create a relationship because it will not.  And remember a drink is not a date and two or three dates does not make him your boyfriend. I guess the old saying does go for us, Girls, lighten up and get a life.  If he is interested he will come running. you can count on it.  If not.... then keep moving.

When Are Your Friends, Friends Or Just Acquaintances

Have you ever wondered if your friends are really your friends.  Or have they turned into just another acquaintance.  Most people think that what starts out as friendship stays that way but that is not necessarily true.  As time goes on you can always count on friends to be there when you need them and keep an open line of communication.  There is true appreciation when you help them out or just be there when they need you.

But what do you call them when your need arises time and time again and they are never available or always have their own drama going on.  When you want to get together they are always too busy.  They ask for your help and you go running but when the tables are turned there is always something going on that prevents them from being there for you.  Is this what a friend is?  Or have they moved into acquaintance mode and are friends only when they need you.  If this is happening to you then maybe it is time to move on and find people who truly wish to share friendship.  Maybe it is time to re-evaluate who your friends are and are not.  See how many times you get put on the back burner and where your friends really are when you need a helping hand.  You will probably find that these people are no longer you friend but are not just an acquaintance

Do You Appreciate The People In Your Life?

Appreciation is something that is often taken for granted. We alot of times assume that the people around us know that we appreciate them.  Often times they do not because we do not take the time to tell them.  Or somehow show them that they are appreciated for tht matter.   And yet we often times get our feathers uffled when someone does not show us appreciation for things we do or say. 

Family is probably the most taken for granted because the are either very close or very far apart. There is an assumption implied unless you learne as a young child to always say Thank you.  Now a days it is becoming more common in children to not get taught this valuable lesson because of split families or both parents working to maintain the household.  The children are being raised by babysitters and child care centers that don't have the time or the personal touch to teach such virtues. 

One way to make yourself and your day just a little happier is to find someone or something someone does to appreciate and tell them that you do in fact appreciate them or the thing they did. It is inevitable that your gesture will make their day just a little brighter too. 

New Habits For A New Year

With the new year 2008 just around the corner, now is a time to reflect and decide to make changes for personal growth.  One area in many people's lives that need changing is the people they associate with.  The people you hang around with stongly influence the things you do or do not do.  There are some people that are negative in nature, in communication and in attitude.  We still call them friends when in fact they are not.  They bring you down and hinder your progress in becoming all that you can be.  Their point of view is always on the down side.  2008 is a year to re-evaluate the friends and relationships you currently have and set new positive attitudes and outlooks in life. People who always complain and find things wrong will bring you down and make the world look dim.  People who are always looking for the good and encourage you will help you see a world full of opportunity and adventure.  Your attitudes and beliefs are a product of your environment.  So why not take a step for and realize that the sky and beyond is the limit and negative associations are your anchor that hold you back from soaring to new heights.  Have an Outstanding Christmas and a Spectacular New Year!

Old Schools Friends Can Still Be Good Friends

Even after many years people who have not spoken for years run back into each other and find there is so much to talk about.  But sometimes because of the time, distance and chains of circumstances there is a hesitation to share. This comes from a fear of what the other might think if the circumstances were not favorable.  The good news is that no matter how far the two have been apart or the geographic distance between them, some things like a real frendship never change.  So sharing each other's memories with just a little getting recquainted, flows easily.  Before you know it they are laughing at the funny things, supporting the things that are sad or hurtful and enjoying a experience many avoid for fear of what the other might think.  High school reunions are often an instigator of such a instance in people's lives.  when this des happen, embrace the opportunity to get reacquainted and build on the foundation of the friendship for future communication.  With patience, a solid loyalty and sense of security is established and you will be amaed at how quickly years and distance are shortened and a harbor of friendship is recreated for eveyone involved.  So if you fall into tis situation don't be afraid to trust the friendship that once was as being a friendshiop that still is.

Can Your Date Really Commit

Time and time again in this fast paced world that we live in we meet people left and right and find we have personal attractions.  So we go out on dates but somewhere along the line there are hopes that a relationship will emerge.  But low and behold it does not.  The question is "Why" and what can you do to realize that your date either can not or will not commit to a relationship. 

What you need to do is pay attention to the signs, words and actions.  If you go into this dating with your eyes open it will be much easier to recognize when someone is not really going to commit to anything more.  No real time for you, falls way to fast and inconsistencies are just a few things that are overlooked when two people start out dating because they are attracted to one another.  If any of these things pop up, quickly evaluate before your heart starts getting attached.  It is better to learn about the caution and red flags early in the game before you have spent a considerable amount of time trying to build a relationship that is going no where.

Is It Your Story Or Their Story

Have you noticed that at times you may get upset for a friend or family member only to find out that the occurrence or situation really was not a problem to them as much as it was to you.  Many times we get caught up in a communication gap and are bent out of shape for someone else when really it is something we need to deal with ourselves.  We think we are displaying loylty when in actuality it is our own story we are not will to acknowledge.  We are really the ones who have the issue and project the unwillingness to face it onto someone else.  This is usually friends or family.  We say they ar uspset when really it is ourself that is upset.  Have patience though because as soon as we begin to aknowledge that is is our story we can then recognized when smeone else is project in the same way as well.  We can the remind them that the story is theirs and not yours.  This way you will not get caught up in someone else's drama and prevent from getting others caught up in yours.  This then hls to reshape our attitude and and the attitude or those around us.  When you take ownership of your own story, you then can make adjustments to either continue or change the story that you have.  We then become rsponsible for the outcome of our daily lives.