Friends and Beyond

Embrace The Changes You See In Your Family And Friends

The world is ever changing and so are people of all races, colors, ethnic societies and ages.  Sometimes the changes we see and experience happen in our own circle of family and friends.  And unfortunately those can sometimes be the hardest to accept. 

I have experienced this in two ways myself.  The first was directly after my car accident in 2007 when I decided to leave my career of twenty nine years as an optician and being being an entrepreneur, coach and logistics coordinator of sorts for a personal development training company that was instrumental in the changes in my life. My passion was to help others create lives that would make them happy, healthy and financially free.   My friends and family not only did not understand but they did not really support me because of that lack of understanding.  To often people get so stuck with the familiar in in your life and theirs that they can not embrace the fact that with change comes growth. 

Another instances that was close to home was when a good friend of mine decided to not only marry someone that I was unsure of, but gave up all that she knew to move to a diffeent state and start over.  An interesting revelation hit me just recently and one I have known for some time...when people stop being who they pretend to be and start being who they really are, it creates havoc in their circle of family and friends who think they should stay the same.  But the reality is, that when people do make changes in their lives, it is not always to our liking.  However when others express the same opinions about our lives, we tend to feel it is uncalled for and inappropriate.  Wow..

The key to building and supporting healthy friend and family relationships is to embrace the changes that others make in their lives even when we do not agree.  After all, it is their life to live..is it not?  Allow this person to grow as we individually do not know what God has in store for each of us in His master plan.  It is our own personal intentions and requests that set the Universe in motion to create our own dreams and not those dreams of another.   You must trust the Universe. So the phase "Let it go"  is of more importance than we realize especially when faced with a life changing decision that one of our own friends or family members makes.  Get to know them again, embrace the change and watch the magic come to life. 

Four Critters That Eat Away At The Foundation Of Any Relationship

There are a number of couples that go through breakups and wonder just what went wrong. Where did the love they once have begin to crumble leaving a pile of rubble which once was a relationship or a marriage. Maybe they did not realize that they had critters in their foundation and did not see the destruction before it was too late. There are four in particular to be aware of if you feel there is a breakdown in your communication.

It is not the big things that break down a relationship or marriage. These types of problems can actually bring a couple together more than most will expect. But indeed it is true that small problems can create small holes that cause a relationship to have leaks that turn into breakups.

Being too busy is considered a pest to a relationship. Many times a couple will become too involved with other people's problems, children's activities, charities and various events, household ,responsibilities and the world around them in general. These are not bad things but in excess, they are still too many. We take very little time to sit sown, relax, and share some of that time with the ones we care about the most. Our communication begins to breakdown and pretty soon there is no communication at all.

The more common critter that damages a relationship or marriage is known as confusion. Many relationships start out very immature. The couple dates a few times or for a short period of time then jump right into a committed living arrangement or more so marriage before they take the time to get to know each other. Without that growth between the two, the levels of communication never really develop as they should. Then along comes a child that adds to the confusion by adding more responsibility to an already immature relationship.

To add to the critters invading a relationship comes the one of stubbornness. Stubbornness can rear it's head as either subtle or quite obvious. The quiet type of stubborn or subtle stubborn is one that will insist on standing a situation but is unwilling to be very cooperative in a given situation. Whereas the obvious form of stubborn will rise up and challenge without any intention of being the one to give in no matter what. Either form of stubborn is deadly to the foundation and growth of a relationship and could be more so to a marriage.

And last but certainly not least is the critter of insensitivity. After some time has passed there tends to be the attitude that it's not worth the effort to try. The opposite side isone or the other of the couple just doesn't seem to care anymore. Feelings are not taken into consideration and a distance is created between the two. Two separate worlds begin to emerge. Neither sees the hurt that can come from a partner in a relationship that just does not care.

How does a couple that is experiencing these breakdowns in their relationship get rid of the pesky critters? The first and formost thing that needs to happen is to realize and admit that there are problems to address. Then communication needs to be up front and honest. This is when a couple can work together to find solutions to get rid the critters at hand. The most important step to take is to start right now to insure the success of the plan the two have decided upon. Find new ways to rekindle the flame that once burned bright. With a little effort and some perseverence any couple can repair a damaged foundation and build a healthy and happy relationship or marriage.

 

In Many Cases, Women Determine Their Own Worth By Their Current Relationship

Have you ever noticed that dogs and their owners begin to look like each other?  Well the same thing begins to happen to women who are in a relationship that is not working or not right for them.  They begin to determine their own worth by the circumstances arising for a defective or defaulted relationship.  This is not always with just men, it can be that of friends and coworkers as well.  But most of the time it is with the man they are spending their time with.

When you look at how a woman's life changes when a man enters the picture you will be amazed at how you, if you are female, tend to do the same thing.  A day does not go by that you want to eat, sleep and breathe the presence of you current gentleman friend.  Then wonder why they tend to want and need space a lot more than usual. 

Women tend to forget they have friends and family that used to be a part of their lives when they were truely single.  As a matter of fact it is healthy and highly recommended that a woman continue to spend an ample amount of time with her friends and loved ones.  This way the need to control or over commit to their new found love is kept under control.  Women are community creatures that need to chat consistantly whereas a male is more of a one man show.  When a women has a problem or situation, they need to talk about it until they satisfy themselves or find a solution.  A man on the other hand tends to want to find a corner of the world until they have found a reasonable solution to the situation or problem.

This is when you will hear..."What is wrong with me?" "What have I done?" "Why doesn't he want to spend time with me?"  Immediately their sense of worth diminishes and the downhill slide begins.  When a woman realizes that their worth has nothing to do with the solving of a problem or situation, they will find that they will experience a much happier and more successful relationship that is more likely to become fruitful as it grows. 

A woman worth is determined by who she is and what she contributes to the world around her.  Insecurity and self doubt do not have to be a part of that world.  When she realizes that her happiness comes from within, those around her can and will feel the warmth and see the luminesence that comes from a woman who deems herself worthy of all the goodness available to her.  It is then that she can truely give the gifts that she holds to those she cares about. 

Many Women Wait For Their Knight In Shining Armor Before They Consider Living Life

Many women are victims of what is called the White Knight Syndrome and do not even realize it.  do what is the White Knight Syndrome.  This is when a women is waiting for the right guy, the perfect mate to come along and not only sweep them off their feet but take care of them forever.  So they wait around and not go on trips they might want ot go on or experience other types of activities the might be shared with a man of their dreams.  Time then moves on, the White Knight does not come and she feels like she has lost out on a part of her life.  Unfortunately, women blame men for this occurrance when it is not the fault of the male population.

Instead, ladies, you must start placing value on yourselves and taking your life as important enough to create memories even if they are with friends or even by yourself.  After all you should enjoy being in your own company.  It is amazing that when you begin to live your life instead of holding off, the right people including the right man will amazingly come into your life to share those experiences with you.  Your life will be fuller and you will be much happier to have and take advantage of the opportunity to grow on a personal level. 

Life is too short to spend it wondering what might have been if you had only stepped out.  Go to a show, go to the park, take a small trip and spend time walking on the beach.  These moments that you are giving up could be some of the best moments of your life.  You will find that you feel good about yourself and in order for your White Knight to show up, you will attract him sooner when you consider yourself a Princess.  After all, is it not the White Knight that captures the heart of the Princess?  As much as we as women want a fairytale life, the reality is that we must contribute to the story as well.  And happines is something that comes from within.  No one can make you happy but they can contribute to making you happier. So enjoy life and watch what happens.

Role Reversal In A Marriage Can Create Communication Barriers

There seems to be an increase to role reversing on the family home front recently.  The woman/mom of the family has taken on the bread earning while the husband/dad stays at home and takes care of the household.  That seems to work in some cases but when there are children involved the change in role playing can create a major gap in communication. 

Because the nature of a woman is to be a nurturer and the nature of the male is to be the warrior, raising children in a household where dad stays at home and mom works gets rocky as time goes on.  This does not happen in all homes but is more the rule and not the exception.  Sometimes the couple will research, discuss and agree on some newer forms of child rearing such co sleeping and nursing to a later age.  In a family where role reversal is in place, the male worth is challenged as the child gets older.  This especially hinders intimacy between the two.

Another issue that arises is that when the woman arrives at home she finds the the household duties are often not done or not done to her approval.  She finds that she must either do them herself or have that dreaded "Honey, we must talk" conversation.  She feels like a single mom quite often which then creates dissention between the two. She has a hard time appreciating what he has done and only sees what has not been accomplished.

Even in this world of change, one thing does remain clear. Women are the community and nurturers that is why God made them mothers. Men predominantly are the warriors and hopefully the supporters and that is why God made them fathers.  If role reversal is what you choose for your lifestyle in your home, be aware that the one thing that breaks up a couple most often besides money is communication.

Spending The Holidays With Your Family

Wow, it has been some time since I have been here and realized one subject that is not covered very often.  The Christmas Holiday brought this to my attention just this week.  How well do you get along with your family?  Time spent together, especially at the Holidays can tell you an amazing story.

Alot of people have families that are close and enjoy each other's company.  But on the other side of the coin there are families who do not get along vary well and find that it is difficult to put up with each other especially during the Holidays.  The time spent together is endured and not enjoyed.  The question is "How do you spend time with those you are not so fond of and make it a memorable and enjoyable time?  Well I learned the answer as a sat here in front of my computer on Christmas Eve Day and had difficulty spending time with my family who came to Vegas to spend Christmas with me. 

I learned that I have to respond from my higher self which is the love based self.  I have been reacting from my lower self which is fear based and that I was not happy at all.  At time like the Holiday Season it is imperative to understand that it is NOT about you!  It is about others!  And those others include your family no matter what the relationship.  When I realized this, I found it easier to make what is left of the visit as happy as I can for those who took the time to be here. 

If you are in search of wealth...start in your own backyard.  The wealthy understand that when you make it about others and what you can give, your happiness blooms as well. Merry Christmas everyone.

Do You Appreciate The People In Your Life?

Appreciation is something that is often taken for granted. We alot of times assume that the people around us know that we appreciate them.  Often times they do not because we do not take the time to tell them.  Or somehow show them that they are appreciated for tht matter.   And yet we often times get our feathers uffled when someone does not show us appreciation for things we do or say. 

Family is probably the most taken for granted because the are either very close or very far apart. There is an assumption implied unless you learne as a young child to always say Thank you.  Now a days it is becoming more common in children to not get taught this valuable lesson because of split families or both parents working to maintain the household.  The children are being raised by babysitters and child care centers that don't have the time or the personal touch to teach such virtues. 

One way to make yourself and your day just a little happier is to find someone or something someone does to appreciate and tell them that you do in fact appreciate them or the thing they did. It is inevitable that your gesture will make their day just a little brighter too.