Friends and Beyond

Four Critters That Eat Away At The Foundation Of Any Relationship

There are a number of couples that go through breakups and wonder just what went wrong. Where did the love they once have begin to crumble leaving a pile of rubble which once was a relationship or a marriage. Maybe they did not realize that they had critters in their foundation and did not see the destruction before it was too late. There are four in particular to be aware of if you feel there is a breakdown in your communication.

It is not the big things that break down a relationship or marriage. These types of problems can actually bring a couple together more than most will expect. But indeed it is true that small problems can create small holes that cause a relationship to have leaks that turn into breakups.

Being too busy is considered a pest to a relationship. Many times a couple will become too involved with other people's problems, children's activities, charities and various events, household ,responsibilities and the world around them in general. These are not bad things but in excess, they are still too many. We take very little time to sit sown, relax, and share some of that time with the ones we care about the most. Our communication begins to breakdown and pretty soon there is no communication at all.

The more common critter that damages a relationship or marriage is known as confusion. Many relationships start out very immature. The couple dates a few times or for a short period of time then jump right into a committed living arrangement or more so marriage before they take the time to get to know each other. Without that growth between the two, the levels of communication never really develop as they should. Then along comes a child that adds to the confusion by adding more responsibility to an already immature relationship.

To add to the critters invading a relationship comes the one of stubbornness. Stubbornness can rear it's head as either subtle or quite obvious. The quiet type of stubborn or subtle stubborn is one that will insist on standing a situation but is unwilling to be very cooperative in a given situation. Whereas the obvious form of stubborn will rise up and challenge without any intention of being the one to give in no matter what. Either form of stubborn is deadly to the foundation and growth of a relationship and could be more so to a marriage.

And last but certainly not least is the critter of insensitivity. After some time has passed there tends to be the attitude that it's not worth the effort to try. The opposite side isone or the other of the couple just doesn't seem to care anymore. Feelings are not taken into consideration and a distance is created between the two. Two separate worlds begin to emerge. Neither sees the hurt that can come from a partner in a relationship that just does not care.

How does a couple that is experiencing these breakdowns in their relationship get rid of the pesky critters? The first and formost thing that needs to happen is to realize and admit that there are problems to address. Then communication needs to be up front and honest. This is when a couple can work together to find solutions to get rid the critters at hand. The most important step to take is to start right now to insure the success of the plan the two have decided upon. Find new ways to rekindle the flame that once burned bright. With a little effort and some perseverence any couple can repair a damaged foundation and build a healthy and happy relationship or marriage.

 

One Way Relationships Do Not Allow For Proper Growth And Rarely Work

As an infant relationship begins to develop there may be a sense of either possessiveness or insecurity that develops. Most of the time it is on the part of the female and one of two things happen. She will either choke him down with demands or cling so tight that he will want some breathing space. In either case ladies, lighten up. Your special someone may turn and walk away for a while. That does not mean that he does not care anymore. For those who believe that their man is a knight in shining armor on a white stead, remember this one thing. If you chase him, chances are his stead is faster than you. So no matter how hard you chase him, you will not catch him unless he wants to be caught. Also keep in mind that if this happens, he may not have as much respect for you and begin to feel caged. It is not advisable for your partner in this budding relationship to feel that they have a need to escape. Mutual respect is essential to a lasting and happy relationship.

On the other hand it is important to understand that men must be required to give.  This requirement for reciprocation is necessary for the man's bond to a woman to form.  When a woman gives too  much, too freely and does not expect much in return..the bond from the male point of view does not form properly.  What does form is not out of respect, emotion or passion and will not allow him to move toward closeness.  A woman who knows her worth and expects love from her man will indeed draw him closer.  Women must take their time with a new relationship and not allow sexual experiences to speed past the developement of trust and respect.   When you find that you are trying to explain to your family and friends why your relationship is so one sided, that is a sure sign that there needs to be a change in th balance.  One way to break the over giving pattern is to gradually do lees and expect more.  If the man does not begin to move closer in the relationship, it is then the woman should take a step back and re-evaluate and maybe even move on.   

It Takes Time To Build A Quality Relationship

Love at first sight is not really love in its truest form.  It is more of an infatuation as a couple moves into the getting to know each other phase of a relationship.  Yes, it is true that there are a few who meet and move directly into a marriage and it works, however this is not the usual case. 

When two people begin to spend time together a funny thing tends to happen along the way.  The real someone that many times hides behind the "putting your best foot forward" will begin to emerge. Somewhere along the line the differences that are not seen in the beginning could lead to a misunderstanding and a fight of some kind.  It is these bumps in the road that help in create the stability that a good relationship is based on. 

Sometimes a breakup happens as well.  It is during this time that a great relationship will emerge or a not so great relationship should remain broken.   This time apart allows you to take a step back and either evaluate or re-evaluate the aspects of the relationship in it's truest form.  It is possible that you have purposely overlooked things that occurred in fear that you would lose the other person when in fact that person is not the right person for you in the first place.  If you are female always remember that a man needs time apart and is unable to maintain the closeness that females do since we are community individuals.  Sometimes this time is misconstrued as there being something wrong when in fact he is just in his cave sorting things out and you need to reconnect with the things that made you happy before you began your relationship.  When he returns to you it will be as it was before the time spent apart. 

You can then resume building a solid and quality relationship which only grows with time.  There is a ton of information available when you find yourself in a situation where you are unsure of the next step.  Use it and apply the principles.  There are several that I have put in the Resources section of this website that are proven and produce results if you are willing to take a step and educate yourself.  Yes, it takes some educating to build anything that will stand a lifetime and is worth the effort and that includes your relationship.

Brand New Relationships Require Mutual Understanding For A Strong Foundation

In every beginning relationship there is a stong desire for a lasting relationship. So many times that fire is extinquished by things like unfulfilled needs. When we understand that the needs of man and woman are different, then we can better learn how to bring them to fullment. In the beginning while you are getting to know each other, there are a few things that each of you should or should not do to establish a good foundation from which to build.

The first thing to keep in mind is that just because you go on a first and maybe even a second date, that does not mean that you are boyfriend and girlfriend. It just means that there is a mutual attraction between the two of you from which you can grow into a relationship. Generally this stage of relationship building is judged on how good and how often there is a sexual encounter between the two. This changes in time because a man's first need is sexual fulfillment and a woman's first need is affection. Although they are not the same, they go together hand in hand. After all, affection is the glue of any relationship. A woman will grow like a flower when her man learns the types of affection she responds too. And in turn this same woman is more likely to fulfill the sexual needs or her man when that need for affection is fulfilled.

The beginning of any relationship is where two people begin to feel an aura of magic. Romantic love is a rare endeavor that will succeed to its fullest when it requires the least amount of effort. Always maintain a certain amount of interests and activities outside your relationship. It will allow both of you to continue to grow individually and as well as a couple. Keep in mind that respect will always precede love. In the beginning if you loose respect, the foundation from which you began to build will begin to crumble and sooner if not later there will be a breakup. It is not difficult to learn the little things that fill the separate needs of the person you are creating a relationship with. Take the time to do so and you will find that individually you are happier as well.

 

 

3 Common Emotional Needs That Create Misunderstanding In Any Relationship

As long as relationships between men and women have been in existence, there is still one well known fact. Most problems in relationships stem from a lack of understanding between the needs of a woman and the needs of a man. And they are not the same but they do compliment each other. There are six combinations of emotional needs that come to play in every relationship.

 

This first and not in this is order is that women need respect but men need appreciation.  For the man, physical expressions of respect for a woman include things like remembering birthdays and anniversaries to flowers and will show her that he has taken into consideration her thoughts and feelings.  When this happens she is more capable of acknowledging the man's behavior and let him know his efforts were not wasted,   he then feels appreciated and that will empower him and give him the motivation to respect her even more.

 

Another place where men and women fall short is that a woman primary need is to be cared for while and man's primary need is to be trusted.  When a man shows interest in a woman's feeling and concerns, she feels cared about.  In turn she returns this fulfillment by trusting her man more and more.  As her trust grows, she is more open which allows for her man to become even more attentive and caring to her.

 

One aspect of emotion that is generally misunderstood and in so many relationships is that women need to be understood but on the same token men need to be accepted.  So often a woman will get involved with a man and hope that she can change or improve him.  It is imperative for a relationship that a woman receives a man with favor and believes he can and will make his own decisions concerning improvements.  When a man feels this kind of acceptance, it is easier for him to listen without judgment and give understanding in the manner that allow her and her feelings to feel heard.

 

There are three other areas in a relationship between men and women that must be considered.  but starting with these three will dramatically help to avoid a troubled or rocky start or improve an already established relationship.  Although these emotions are very different, they go hand in hand to build successful, loving and lasting foundations for any relationship. 

In Case of Relationship Emergency - Break Glass

by T Dub Jackson, author of  "The Magic Of Making Up System"

You smell the smoke, hear the crackle of a flame and
start to swoon from the searing heat.

and...

You suspect there's about to be a raging fire.

But the fire and carnage you fear won't be from
any material possessions lost, but from something much
more precious, a once loving relationship going up in flames.

No matter what issue set your fire ablaze, many
of us don't know where or how to begin applying
the water to put the fire out.

In fact...

Unlike a real fire where a fireman first looks to
find, attack and cool the source of the fire (if possible).

Many times attacking the center of the heat is the WRONG approach to take
when trying to extinguish our relationship problems and fires.

For example, let's imagine that since this 'recession'
your relationship has flamed up some worrisome financial fires.

Not too hard to imagine these days?

These may start as little brush fires, small issues and arguments
over how and where money is being spent...or not spent.

Then, maybe because of the heat and pressure of these
financial fires one partner starts 'escaping' more than
is healthy for the relationship.

He escapes into TV, Video Games, Alcohol, Cyber
Porn...or worse?

Now...what do we have?

We've got two fires smoldering away and soon to be a third because
the other partner is starting to feel lonely and isolated.

Can you almost feel the pressure?

Feel it coming to a boil?

Now with three fires off to a crackling start there's
even greater risk of fire and damage spreading to other areas.

So? Just which fire do we put out first?

Our financial fire? Our financial blaze seems pretty tough to
extinguish right now and not likely to die soon.

So maybe we should start with the escapism? That seems
like an easy fire to put out...IF you're not the one escaping!

...and try telling someone that's feeling lonely and isolated
that "they should just snap out of it" is like throwing fuel
into the fire.

So where do we begin when we don't see any
good place to start? And we finally realize that
trying to stomp out all our blazes at once actually spreads
the fire?...FASTER!

The answer is...

Unlike fighting a REAL fire, we start where there
IS NO FIRE.

Yes, start where there is absolutely no smoke, no heat
and no flame.

What we need to do is stop focusing on the problem(s)
and focus on where we still have passion...even if
it's just a little.

Find even the tiniest things you both enjoy doing
together, ACTIVELY put your problems aside and begin to
rebuild the passion between you.

And do you know what invariably happens? Often once you've
rekindled the passion between you...the PROBLEMS will often work
themselves out.

The fires extinguish themselves.

Here's how it may play out using our example;

Tom and Cindy both love cooking together.

They both actively decide to let their problems
go and NOT worry about them for awhile, but to start
by cooking dinner together and EATING together at
the dinner table...EVERY night.

Often because they've had such a great time cooking
and eating together...they play some cards or monopoly
afterwards and share some laughs and have a little fun.

Now, because Cindy isn't feeling so isolated because
Tom's always watching TV or surfing the web...

That little bit of fun turns into love making a little
more often.

Which in part...leads to...

Tom starting to feel better, finds new confidence,
and as his confidence builds... Tom gets more assertive
about finding work.

Soon...

Tom lands what maybe not the best job in the world, but one
that relieves a lot of the financial pressure until he
can find his perfect fit.

And before your very eyes...

Where Tom and Cindy's relationship was about to burst
into flames...

Now, they are rising from the rubble with
a stronger and more fire proof marriage than ever before.

The moral of the story is that with enough PASSION
couples can overcome most any problem including affairs, drug use,
even death in the family.

But when there is very little passion even the tiniest
problems...become big, out of control, blazing fires.

Now if you're reading this, but feel that an out
of control fire has already 'gutted' and put an end to your
relationship. You may find it comforting to know that there
may be a second chance for you?

I've made some amazing new breakthroughs in the human
love, bonding and REBONDING process.

Many of these breakthroughs are just as counterintuitive
as the technique I've just handed you here.

I've made a special video with you in mind where I share
one of my counterintuitive rebonding techniques.

You're invited to watch here:

HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK VIDEO

While I'm a little bumbly and no Brad Pitt on camera...

...the video has been watched over 893,000 times (rated 4 1/2 stars) and
it's rare for a day to go by where I don't receive a really heart
warming note from someone that has put their relationship back
together after going through hell and fearing they'd never
find their way back.

Hope it helps you too:-)

T Dub Jackson
MagicOfMakingUp.com

In Your Relationship, Get Your Man's Ego On Your Side

In any relationship, it is important to remember to evaluate the potential damage that is created when you do not set the needs of your relationship high on the priority list when picking an argument.  When there is a conflict in the activities that arise keep in mind that you can go full boar into a battle against the ego of a man that you will not win or step back and offer a suitable solutions that makes it a win win for the both of you.  This is where men can be given the opportunity to compromise.  What is extremely important to you may not be to your partner and vice versa.  But is creating a war worth the destruction that is caused when the woman ego goes to battle with that of a man?  Sometimes being right is not everything and by seeing another way around a situation you can have almost everything in the long run.  Being right does not always justify actions that cause relationship damage. 

Your ego goes after short term rewards without taking into consideration the long term consequences.  if you look at a man's ego, it is like a junk yard dog whose purpose is to protect the territory behind the fence.  If you get inside that fence and go to battle with that dog you will lose. And your man will not intentionally set out to hurt you but his ego will do whatever it takes to protect. A man's ego allows him to accomplish amazing things.  But his ego is either a killer or a hero.  If your relationship with him is a rewarding experience, he will be your hero. but if you challenge or threaten him and he has accepted that challenge, he does not think of the damage his actions can do to the long term relationship.  You may win a round or two but in the long run you will lose. 

Ladies, your ego is very useful in the business world but has no business in your relationship if you want it to last.  When you get your ego out of the way, you then can tap into your natural ability to relate and your skill to manage your relationship. You have the inward ability to create the relationsip of your choice.  Two egos will end up with none.  Learn how to make the situations that you encounter a win win and you will be surprised at what lengths your man will go to make you happy.

Many Women Wait For Their Knight In Shining Armor Before They Consider Living Life

Many women are victims of what is called the White Knight Syndrome and do not even realize it.  do what is the White Knight Syndrome.  This is when a women is waiting for the right guy, the perfect mate to come along and not only sweep them off their feet but take care of them forever.  So they wait around and not go on trips they might want ot go on or experience other types of activities the might be shared with a man of their dreams.  Time then moves on, the White Knight does not come and she feels like she has lost out on a part of her life.  Unfortunately, women blame men for this occurrance when it is not the fault of the male population.

Instead, ladies, you must start placing value on yourselves and taking your life as important enough to create memories even if they are with friends or even by yourself.  After all you should enjoy being in your own company.  It is amazing that when you begin to live your life instead of holding off, the right people including the right man will amazingly come into your life to share those experiences with you.  Your life will be fuller and you will be much happier to have and take advantage of the opportunity to grow on a personal level. 

Life is too short to spend it wondering what might have been if you had only stepped out.  Go to a show, go to the park, take a small trip and spend time walking on the beach.  These moments that you are giving up could be some of the best moments of your life.  You will find that you feel good about yourself and in order for your White Knight to show up, you will attract him sooner when you consider yourself a Princess.  After all, is it not the White Knight that captures the heart of the Princess?  As much as we as women want a fairytale life, the reality is that we must contribute to the story as well.  And happines is something that comes from within.  No one can make you happy but they can contribute to making you happier. So enjoy life and watch what happens.

Too Often Women Settle For Second Best Instead Of Number One

Are you the other woman?  This question can have several meanings in and of itself but it always means that if you are the other woman, you are his second choice. 

Yes, it is true that some women will have two men but decided very quickly between the two.  Women are emotional beings and get emotional attached when sex becomes involved in the relationship.  The man that wins her heart is the one that embraces that emotion and fills her emotional needs. 

A man however can play the field between two females but more specifically between a wife and a mistress.  Or a man can play the field between his own interests and the interests of the female he is attempting to date or even capture her heart.  Either way you are still the other woman. So lets cut to the chase.

Recently, I met a gentleman who expressed interest in me and we exchanged phone numbers.  Interestingly enough the only time I receive a phone call is while he is in his car on the way to work in the afternoon or when he wants me to meet him at 11:30 at night after he gets off work.  When asked to call when he has a little more time to talk during the day or on his day off and request time together before work for breakfast or lunch or again on his day off, the reply was.  That is when I run my errands and have other things to do.  So...what is wrong with this picture? 

You guessed it.  I am the last thing on his mind and it is inconvienent for him to go out of his way to spend time with or talk to me.  On the way to work guarantees little time to get into a meaningful conversation and learn more about the other person.  It is amazing what time he says he has to go golfing and do lunch when his buddies come to town before work and on his day off.  Hmmmm So it is advisable to cut your losses and move on if you are in this situation.  Ladies, if someone truely wants your heart he will make time to spend with you.  And if he is married, cut him loose as well because you are not first on his mind, you are the filler.  

Now men if a worman you are pursueing does this to you, I will guarentee that she has another interest somwhere else in the form of another man. My advice to you...cut your losses and move on unless you like being second best or even last on the list.

You are worth being number one in the life of a romantic relationship.  There is room for compromise on certain circumstances but number one is just that...Number One. Settle for nothing less.

 

Online Dating Has Given "Blind Date" A New Meaning

It has come to my attention just recently about what may be appropriate for a blind date when it comes to activity and setting.  In this day and age, people tend to rush into and out of relationships like a revolving door.  There is no time alotted to get to know one another.  Immediately there is a sense of false commitment and then surprise when that commitment does not stick.  So the question is...What is an appropriate activity and setting when you have been recommended to someone that you have not met?  Is is a date or not?  Where should you go and what should you do?

The answer to this question is one so many do not like because it is putting on the brakes before you get started.  But to properly meet someone, it should be done in a public, casual and even fun atmosphere.  A public gathering or networking function is a great place to meet someone of the opposite sex for the first time.  Cocktails in a larger setting or even coffee is a safe and appropriate atmosphere for both men and women to meet for the first time when a friend or family member has made a recommendation and is not available to be there to make the introduction.

Meeting a stranger for a movie or dinner is not an ideal setting for that first time meet.  The atmosphere is too intimate and intimidating especially if the people meeting do not take a liking to each other in the beginning.  Also, with a meal, there is an unspoken sense of obligation for the gentleman to pay for the meal even if he does not like the woman.   

By choosing a casual meeting place and activity, there is a sense of freedom for both people to either continue seeing each other by mutually planning a proper date or going their separate ways.  This also gives room to meet a few more times casually before proceeding forward to a dating environment.  With online dating at an all time high, it is important to use caution when meeting strangers for the first time.  And even a few times after the initial get together.  There should always be a Plan B until you get to know someone better and feel comfortable with and even safe around them.  Why rush when you have the rest of your life to enjoy the right person.