Friends and Beyond

In Your Relationship, Get Your Man's Ego On Your Side

In any relationship, it is important to remember to evaluate the potential damage that is created when you do not set the needs of your relationship high on the priority list when picking an argument.  When there is a conflict in the activities that arise keep in mind that you can go full boar into a battle against the ego of a man that you will not win or step back and offer a suitable solutions that makes it a win win for the both of you.  This is where men can be given the opportunity to compromise.  What is extremely important to you may not be to your partner and vice versa.  But is creating a war worth the destruction that is caused when the woman ego goes to battle with that of a man?  Sometimes being right is not everything and by seeing another way around a situation you can have almost everything in the long run.  Being right does not always justify actions that cause relationship damage. 

Your ego goes after short term rewards without taking into consideration the long term consequences.  if you look at a man's ego, it is like a junk yard dog whose purpose is to protect the territory behind the fence.  If you get inside that fence and go to battle with that dog you will lose. And your man will not intentionally set out to hurt you but his ego will do whatever it takes to protect. A man's ego allows him to accomplish amazing things.  But his ego is either a killer or a hero.  If your relationship with him is a rewarding experience, he will be your hero. but if you challenge or threaten him and he has accepted that challenge, he does not think of the damage his actions can do to the long term relationship.  You may win a round or two but in the long run you will lose. 

Ladies, your ego is very useful in the business world but has no business in your relationship if you want it to last.  When you get your ego out of the way, you then can tap into your natural ability to relate and your skill to manage your relationship. You have the inward ability to create the relationsip of your choice.  Two egos will end up with none.  Learn how to make the situations that you encounter a win win and you will be surprised at what lengths your man will go to make you happy.

In Many Cases, Women Determine Their Own Worth By Their Current Relationship

Have you ever noticed that dogs and their owners begin to look like each other?  Well the same thing begins to happen to women who are in a relationship that is not working or not right for them.  They begin to determine their own worth by the circumstances arising for a defective or defaulted relationship.  This is not always with just men, it can be that of friends and coworkers as well.  But most of the time it is with the man they are spending their time with.

When you look at how a woman's life changes when a man enters the picture you will be amazed at how you, if you are female, tend to do the same thing.  A day does not go by that you want to eat, sleep and breathe the presence of you current gentleman friend.  Then wonder why they tend to want and need space a lot more than usual. 

Women tend to forget they have friends and family that used to be a part of their lives when they were truely single.  As a matter of fact it is healthy and highly recommended that a woman continue to spend an ample amount of time with her friends and loved ones.  This way the need to control or over commit to their new found love is kept under control.  Women are community creatures that need to chat consistantly whereas a male is more of a one man show.  When a women has a problem or situation, they need to talk about it until they satisfy themselves or find a solution.  A man on the other hand tends to want to find a corner of the world until they have found a reasonable solution to the situation or problem.

This is when you will hear..."What is wrong with me?" "What have I done?" "Why doesn't he want to spend time with me?"  Immediately their sense of worth diminishes and the downhill slide begins.  When a woman realizes that their worth has nothing to do with the solving of a problem or situation, they will find that they will experience a much happier and more successful relationship that is more likely to become fruitful as it grows. 

A woman worth is determined by who she is and what she contributes to the world around her.  Insecurity and self doubt do not have to be a part of that world.  When she realizes that her happiness comes from within, those around her can and will feel the warmth and see the luminesence that comes from a woman who deems herself worthy of all the goodness available to her.  It is then that she can truely give the gifts that she holds to those she cares about. 

Acceptance In A Relationship Means That Your Man Is Good Enough

So many times when a couple gets comfortable with each other, there seems to be a tendency to start making demands for change.  This tends to happen with the ladies more so which gives a man a sense of inadequacy and even shame for somehow not measuring up to expectations.  When a woman expresses to her man that he change to meet her expectations, he will experience feelings of disapproval not a challenge to improve.

Much of this anticipation for acceptance and change come from the difference in the tming that men and women have when ready for committed relationships.  Women are generally ready for more solid commitments at about six months to a year whereas a man is not generally ready to make that stand for a year to two years.  During the growth period is when a couple become more aware of the person they are with.  Men do not generally require their woman to change however his partner on the other hand tends to place pressure on him to achieve her expectations.  He then tends to lose the confidence to make and keep her happy. 

So ladies, be careful of excessive demands.  Regardless of how much you tell him that you love him, if you are also telling him that he must change, he will not get the experience of warmth from you.  His instinct will be to go the other direction and he may eventually leave.  Always keep in mind too, that genuine change comes in small but significant steps. This is not to say that women should not wish to make improvements to a relationship.  The manner in which you convey that change is important to its success.  When a change is encouraged with acceptance and appreciation, it creates a positive experience and one that will be lasting.

There Is A Difference Between A Business Partner And A Friend, Sometimes The Twains Don't Meet

Most business partners that enter into a business agreement are not necessarily friends.  However there are some that will intermingle the idea that personal considerations are expected such as discounts, saved seats and other such favors which if not kept in check can become the statis quo.  Unfortunately this is in many situations, not the case. and offense is taken on a business level when one partner either is not able to do so or considers the request against his or her integrity. 

If you are faced with this situation from time to time or even just once, it is time to re-evaluate your partnership and what it stands for. And is this the type of person that you can trust your success and wealth to when the chips are down or will they backout and walk away when they do not get their way.  The partner that will challenge you on having their "back" is usually the one who does not have yours.  They will try to renig on financial obligations. They can not seem to seperate business from personal and their jugement becomes hampered.

Recently I ran into this situation and had to make a decision based on the integrity and character of the person that I was entering into a business agreement with. While she was attending a course that I was staffing she requested that I save a seat for her to allow her to come closer to start time.  Although I knew it is not necessarily appropriate, I filled the request and left it at that.  However on the second day, the same person asked if I had done such favor again in which I indicted that I had not.  On day three, I left a text message to let her know that I was unable to fill the request and suggested that she come a little earlier. That suggestion was given because I had noticed patterns in the short time I had worked with her to be late, have little regard for others as well as not paying her bills and strategically getting others to pay first for her to reimburse later which alot of times does not happen.  Keep in mind that there was no friendship established at this point either. Friendships are build on strong foundations to include trust and integrity.

That is when the crap hit the fan.  Accusations of not having her back and a partner finds a way to cover even if it is against the company standard that you are representing and your integity. With the intentional insult on her part, I immediately removed the website from the internet that I built and submitted an invoice for the completed work. The website would then be uploaded upon payment. Because I believe that what you do anytime is what you do everytime I was concerned if I continued to attempt working on this project... what else would cause such inappropriate and uncalled for accusations. 

Before entering into any business partnership or agreement with anyone, pay attention to their habits and patterns. Over time the best foot forward and hype will begin to diminish and the real person begins to emerge.  This is when you determine the integrity of the person and validity of the proposal they want to enter into with you.  Also, should you begin doing work with this potential partner make sure you have paid invoices before releasing any completed work.  This insures that you are covering your own back first before commiting to future dealings in anyone proposing a partnership.  In other words, make sure your ducks are in a row or they may wander off in an unexpect and unwanted direction.

Be The Mirror And Not The Magnifier For Those Around You

There is often a misconception as to whether we are helping each other to grow or maybe even hindering their growth.  The question is a great one in the fact that mentors and coaches are becoming quite a popular avenue to take as the general public is moving to online exposure.  So when you are choosing to be a mentor or seek a mentor, there is one unique principle to keep in mind.  Are they/you a mirror or a magnifier?  And what is the difference between the two?

A mirror is someone who allows a reflection of those that gaze upon it.  It can show you things that may not be very becoming and need to be changed.  It can also show the things that are good and growing and the beauty that so many times is not acknowledged.  Either way, it is not a judgement one way or another just a picture to those that look, to see what others see.

A magnified is just what it is.  It makes bigger that which it is looking at.  Most of the time, someone who is a magnifier is pointing out that which is wrong with someone or what someone is doing for everyone to see.  When they see that what they want is not being done, then critcism become the words of choice instead of praise and encouragement.

So whether you are a friend, a parent, in a relationship and especially if you are a coach or mentor, it is important to realized exactly what role you are playing.  Many coaches and mentors get frustrated when a student is not following exactly the process being taught and can say and do things indirectly to discourage the very people they are teaching.  They do not realize that they are not being a good example Then they wonder why a barrier begins to form.  Are you coaching/mentoring to benefit the interests of the student to get them where they want to go or are you doing so to make complete your own interests.  Are you being a mirror or a magnifier?

Spending The Holidays With Your Family

Wow, it has been some time since I have been here and realized one subject that is not covered very often.  The Christmas Holiday brought this to my attention just this week.  How well do you get along with your family?  Time spent together, especially at the Holidays can tell you an amazing story.

Alot of people have families that are close and enjoy each other's company.  But on the other side of the coin there are families who do not get along vary well and find that it is difficult to put up with each other especially during the Holidays.  The time spent together is endured and not enjoyed.  The question is "How do you spend time with those you are not so fond of and make it a memorable and enjoyable time?  Well I learned the answer as a sat here in front of my computer on Christmas Eve Day and had difficulty spending time with my family who came to Vegas to spend Christmas with me. 

I learned that I have to respond from my higher self which is the love based self.  I have been reacting from my lower self which is fear based and that I was not happy at all.  At time like the Holiday Season it is imperative to understand that it is NOT about you!  It is about others!  And those others include your family no matter what the relationship.  When I realized this, I found it easier to make what is left of the visit as happy as I can for those who took the time to be here. 

If you are in search of wealth...start in your own backyard.  The wealthy understand that when you make it about others and what you can give, your happiness blooms as well. Merry Christmas everyone.

Do You Appreciate The People In Your Life?

Appreciation is something that is often taken for granted. We alot of times assume that the people around us know that we appreciate them.  Often times they do not because we do not take the time to tell them.  Or somehow show them that they are appreciated for tht matter.   And yet we often times get our feathers uffled when someone does not show us appreciation for things we do or say. 

Family is probably the most taken for granted because the are either very close or very far apart. There is an assumption implied unless you learne as a young child to always say Thank you.  Now a days it is becoming more common in children to not get taught this valuable lesson because of split families or both parents working to maintain the household.  The children are being raised by babysitters and child care centers that don't have the time or the personal touch to teach such virtues. 

One way to make yourself and your day just a little happier is to find someone or something someone does to appreciate and tell them that you do in fact appreciate them or the thing they did. It is inevitable that your gesture will make their day just a little brighter too. 

New Habits For A New Year

With the new year 2008 just around the corner, now is a time to reflect and decide to make changes for personal growth.  One area in many people's lives that need changing is the people they associate with.  The people you hang around with stongly influence the things you do or do not do.  There are some people that are negative in nature, in communication and in attitude.  We still call them friends when in fact they are not.  They bring you down and hinder your progress in becoming all that you can be.  Their point of view is always on the down side.  2008 is a year to re-evaluate the friends and relationships you currently have and set new positive attitudes and outlooks in life. People who always complain and find things wrong will bring you down and make the world look dim.  People who are always looking for the good and encourage you will help you see a world full of opportunity and adventure.  Your attitudes and beliefs are a product of your environment.  So why not take a step for and realize that the sky and beyond is the limit and negative associations are your anchor that hold you back from soaring to new heights.  Have an Outstanding Christmas and a Spectacular New Year!

Is It Or Is It Not Too Good To Be True

In a world where let downs and break ups are more common than before some meet a person who seeming has all the elments of a great relaionship.  But then comes the question "Is this too good to be true"?  Then comes that task of looking for things that are not right and waiting for what it thought to be the inevidable.  Fortunately it only seems to be too good to be true because it goes against all that you may know from the past.  The fact is a good relationship is good enough to be true. 

It might be that after so many different disappointments you have forgottenn how to love yourself.  Remember that love attracts love and when you shine from the inside the universe delivers on the outside.  Allo as much happiness into your life as yu can and take the credit for the courage it took to get through you disppointments.  More importantly refrain from lookming for something to be wrong.  Holding your relationship to tight will hinder it's growth.  A relationship is something you allow and it does not just happen.  It is a choice, so choose to love and be loved.

Is It Your Story Or Their Story

Have you noticed that at times you may get upset for a friend or family member only to find out that the occurrence or situation really was not a problem to them as much as it was to you.  Many times we get caught up in a communication gap and are bent out of shape for someone else when really it is something we need to deal with ourselves.  We think we are displaying loylty when in actuality it is our own story we are not will to acknowledge.  We are really the ones who have the issue and project the unwillingness to face it onto someone else.  This is usually friends or family.  We say they ar uspset when really it is ourself that is upset.  Have patience though because as soon as we begin to aknowledge that is is our story we can then recognized when smeone else is project in the same way as well.  We can the remind them that the story is theirs and not yours.  This way you will not get caught up in someone else's drama and prevent from getting others caught up in yours.  This then hls to reshape our attitude and and the attitude or those around us.  When you take ownership of your own story, you then can make adjustments to either continue or change the story that you have.  We then become rsponsible for the outcome of our daily lives.