Friends and Beyond

Since When Are You Not Good Enough To Be Happy?

It is well known that women more often that men, get caught up in the pitfall of giving too much, too freely. Unfortunately in the stream of life, it is also well known that the more you give in the more the other takes and this does not help any relationship.

On the other side of the coin if a women does not know how to receive the love she needs, a need to be needed and loved contributes to giving more than the relationship is allowing for growth.  It is extremely important that both people need to accept the responsiblity for any change necessary rather that to be preoccupied with changing the other. 

Most of the time in an unhealthly relationship one of the factors that requires being addressed is blame.  Unhealthy blame focuses on what happened in the past instead of on the future and any change that may be needed. It provides an excuse for not accepting any responsibility for a change in the future that could help the relationship to grow.   A more healthy blame will point out responsibility for change which will uncover truth about both people and how they relate with each other which in turn allows for a clearer road in the future.

If you are in a relationship that is all give and no recieve then it is time to take a step back and re-evaluate what it is that makes you happy and require that your partner become a contributing part of the relationship the two of you are in. Keep in mind that the person who loves less becomes less and by allowing this between the two of you only enables them to continue down that dead end path.  Do not continue to believe that your unending, unconditional love will ever make the situation better.  Learn to expect love back  and require that the person you are involved with behaves in a mutual way. 

Being Your Own Best Friend Is One Of The First Steps To Creating A Solid Relationship With Someone Else

So often, as individuals, we look for our worth and happiness in someone else to complete us.  Unfortunately, in others is not where we will find what we need to be happy and valuable.  It is within ourselves that these are found.  Being your own best friend first and trusting in your ability to be happy, and enjoy time with yourself is what creates a completeness that will carry over to another human being.

Being your own best friend takes more than just a sudden leap of faith to change your life.  It takes a conscious act, a decision to take your life into your own hands.  Change is not something that most people do easily.  It is so much easier to blame others for decisions that we choose not to make regarding our own lives. Struggles almost always come first and there is alot of plugging along that will happen. and miracles do happen to those who are ready.

People very often want to be perfect and become very discouraged when they are not.  Judging yourself by unreachable standards is a way of mistreating yourself.When people say they want to let go what they really need to do is to take hold. Often people are accustomed to waiting for someone else to give a kind or encouraging word.  However, we have so many of those for ourselves that we forget to say, hoping they will come from those around us.  We all get disappointed and neglect to realize that we had them inside all along. And who else should be kinder to you than YOU.

Three Questions That You Can Ask to Improve Your Relationships

For the most part, the questions that a couple tend to ask during the course of the building of their relationship are pretty shallow. When you look at the reason and substance behind some questions, you will notice that they come many times from desperation and not to become more informed of who the person you are dating is, what they stand for and expect from the current relationship. Remember that the type of questions you ask will by the type of answers you get back in return. Here are some great recommendations for learning about the person you care about and even yourself.

"What are my partners' most important emotional needs?"

Consider the needs of the person you are spending time with. Determine whether you are filling those needs and if not ask the question and find out whether you are or not.

"What did we do during the times when were we the closest, that we could do again now?"

Many times as a couple get comfortable in their relationship they discontinue doing the things that brought them together and made them happy in the first place. A little recollection goes a long way. Find out from your partner what it was that the infant relationship possessed that is missing. Ask the question! And start doing those thing again.

"On a scale of one to ten, with one being the lowest and ten being the highest, how am I doing as a partner?"

This is a big one but all too important is the answer in every relationship. How does your partner fell about you and they way you make them feel? There could be some underlying things that can be changed if you knew and understood how they affect your partner and are willing to make those changes.

Every relationship takes maintenance. They do not progress on auto pilot. It's been said that one definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results.

Embrace The Changes You See In Your Family And Friends

The world is ever changing and so are people of all races, colors, ethnic societies and ages.  Sometimes the changes we see and experience happen in our own circle of family and friends.  And unfortunately those can sometimes be the hardest to accept. 

I have experienced this in two ways myself.  The first was directly after my car accident in 2007 when I decided to leave my career of twenty nine years as an optician and being being an entrepreneur, coach and logistics coordinator of sorts for a personal development training company that was instrumental in the changes in my life. My passion was to help others create lives that would make them happy, healthy and financially free.   My friends and family not only did not understand but they did not really support me because of that lack of understanding.  To often people get so stuck with the familiar in in your life and theirs that they can not embrace the fact that with change comes growth. 

Another instances that was close to home was when a good friend of mine decided to not only marry someone that I was unsure of, but gave up all that she knew to move to a diffeent state and start over.  An interesting revelation hit me just recently and one I have known for some time...when people stop being who they pretend to be and start being who they really are, it creates havoc in their circle of family and friends who think they should stay the same.  But the reality is, that when people do make changes in their lives, it is not always to our liking.  However when others express the same opinions about our lives, we tend to feel it is uncalled for and inappropriate.  Wow..

The key to building and supporting healthy friend and family relationships is to embrace the changes that others make in their lives even when we do not agree.  After all, it is their life to live..is it not?  Allow this person to grow as we individually do not know what God has in store for each of us in His master plan.  It is our own personal intentions and requests that set the Universe in motion to create our own dreams and not those dreams of another.   You must trust the Universe. So the phase "Let it go"  is of more importance than we realize especially when faced with a life changing decision that one of our own friends or family members makes.  Get to know them again, embrace the change and watch the magic come to life. 

One Way Relationships Do Not Allow For Proper Growth And Rarely Work

As an infant relationship begins to develop there may be a sense of either possessiveness or insecurity that develops. Most of the time it is on the part of the female and one of two things happen. She will either choke him down with demands or cling so tight that he will want some breathing space. In either case ladies, lighten up. Your special someone may turn and walk away for a while. That does not mean that he does not care anymore. For those who believe that their man is a knight in shining armor on a white stead, remember this one thing. If you chase him, chances are his stead is faster than you. So no matter how hard you chase him, you will not catch him unless he wants to be caught. Also keep in mind that if this happens, he may not have as much respect for you and begin to feel caged. It is not advisable for your partner in this budding relationship to feel that they have a need to escape. Mutual respect is essential to a lasting and happy relationship.

On the other hand it is important to understand that men must be required to give.  This requirement for reciprocation is necessary for the man's bond to a woman to form.  When a woman gives too  much, too freely and does not expect much in return..the bond from the male point of view does not form properly.  What does form is not out of respect, emotion or passion and will not allow him to move toward closeness.  A woman who knows her worth and expects love from her man will indeed draw him closer.  Women must take their time with a new relationship and not allow sexual experiences to speed past the developement of trust and respect.   When you find that you are trying to explain to your family and friends why your relationship is so one sided, that is a sure sign that there needs to be a change in th balance.  One way to break the over giving pattern is to gradually do lees and expect more.  If the man does not begin to move closer in the relationship, it is then the woman should take a step back and re-evaluate and maybe even move on.   

It Takes Time To Build A Quality Relationship

Love at first sight is not really love in its truest form.  It is more of an infatuation as a couple moves into the getting to know each other phase of a relationship.  Yes, it is true that there are a few who meet and move directly into a marriage and it works, however this is not the usual case. 

When two people begin to spend time together a funny thing tends to happen along the way.  The real someone that many times hides behind the "putting your best foot forward" will begin to emerge. Somewhere along the line the differences that are not seen in the beginning could lead to a misunderstanding and a fight of some kind.  It is these bumps in the road that help in create the stability that a good relationship is based on. 

Sometimes a breakup happens as well.  It is during this time that a great relationship will emerge or a not so great relationship should remain broken.   This time apart allows you to take a step back and either evaluate or re-evaluate the aspects of the relationship in it's truest form.  It is possible that you have purposely overlooked things that occurred in fear that you would lose the other person when in fact that person is not the right person for you in the first place.  If you are female always remember that a man needs time apart and is unable to maintain the closeness that females do since we are community individuals.  Sometimes this time is misconstrued as there being something wrong when in fact he is just in his cave sorting things out and you need to reconnect with the things that made you happy before you began your relationship.  When he returns to you it will be as it was before the time spent apart. 

You can then resume building a solid and quality relationship which only grows with time.  There is a ton of information available when you find yourself in a situation where you are unsure of the next step.  Use it and apply the principles.  There are several that I have put in the Resources section of this website that are proven and produce results if you are willing to take a step and educate yourself.  Yes, it takes some educating to build anything that will stand a lifetime and is worth the effort and that includes your relationship.

3 Common Emotional Needs That Create Misunderstanding In Any Relationship

As long as relationships between men and women have been in existence, there is still one well known fact. Most problems in relationships stem from a lack of understanding between the needs of a woman and the needs of a man. And they are not the same but they do compliment each other. There are six combinations of emotional needs that come to play in every relationship.

 

This first and not in this is order is that women need respect but men need appreciation.  For the man, physical expressions of respect for a woman include things like remembering birthdays and anniversaries to flowers and will show her that he has taken into consideration her thoughts and feelings.  When this happens she is more capable of acknowledging the man's behavior and let him know his efforts were not wasted,   he then feels appreciated and that will empower him and give him the motivation to respect her even more.

 

Another place where men and women fall short is that a woman primary need is to be cared for while and man's primary need is to be trusted.  When a man shows interest in a woman's feeling and concerns, she feels cared about.  In turn she returns this fulfillment by trusting her man more and more.  As her trust grows, she is more open which allows for her man to become even more attentive and caring to her.

 

One aspect of emotion that is generally misunderstood and in so many relationships is that women need to be understood but on the same token men need to be accepted.  So often a woman will get involved with a man and hope that she can change or improve him.  It is imperative for a relationship that a woman receives a man with favor and believes he can and will make his own decisions concerning improvements.  When a man feels this kind of acceptance, it is easier for him to listen without judgment and give understanding in the manner that allow her and her feelings to feel heard.

 

There are three other areas in a relationship between men and women that must be considered.  but starting with these three will dramatically help to avoid a troubled or rocky start or improve an already established relationship.  Although these emotions are very different, they go hand in hand to build successful, loving and lasting foundations for any relationship. 

In Case of Relationship Emergency - Break Glass

by T Dub Jackson, author of  "The Magic Of Making Up System"

You smell the smoke, hear the crackle of a flame and
start to swoon from the searing heat.

and...

You suspect there's about to be a raging fire.

But the fire and carnage you fear won't be from
any material possessions lost, but from something much
more precious, a once loving relationship going up in flames.

No matter what issue set your fire ablaze, many
of us don't know where or how to begin applying
the water to put the fire out.

In fact...

Unlike a real fire where a fireman first looks to
find, attack and cool the source of the fire (if possible).

Many times attacking the center of the heat is the WRONG approach to take
when trying to extinguish our relationship problems and fires.

For example, let's imagine that since this 'recession'
your relationship has flamed up some worrisome financial fires.

Not too hard to imagine these days?

These may start as little brush fires, small issues and arguments
over how and where money is being spent...or not spent.

Then, maybe because of the heat and pressure of these
financial fires one partner starts 'escaping' more than
is healthy for the relationship.

He escapes into TV, Video Games, Alcohol, Cyber
Porn...or worse?

Now...what do we have?

We've got two fires smoldering away and soon to be a third because
the other partner is starting to feel lonely and isolated.

Can you almost feel the pressure?

Feel it coming to a boil?

Now with three fires off to a crackling start there's
even greater risk of fire and damage spreading to other areas.

So? Just which fire do we put out first?

Our financial fire? Our financial blaze seems pretty tough to
extinguish right now and not likely to die soon.

So maybe we should start with the escapism? That seems
like an easy fire to put out...IF you're not the one escaping!

...and try telling someone that's feeling lonely and isolated
that "they should just snap out of it" is like throwing fuel
into the fire.

So where do we begin when we don't see any
good place to start? And we finally realize that
trying to stomp out all our blazes at once actually spreads
the fire?...FASTER!

The answer is...

Unlike fighting a REAL fire, we start where there
IS NO FIRE.

Yes, start where there is absolutely no smoke, no heat
and no flame.

What we need to do is stop focusing on the problem(s)
and focus on where we still have passion...even if
it's just a little.

Find even the tiniest things you both enjoy doing
together, ACTIVELY put your problems aside and begin to
rebuild the passion between you.

And do you know what invariably happens? Often once you've
rekindled the passion between you...the PROBLEMS will often work
themselves out.

The fires extinguish themselves.

Here's how it may play out using our example;

Tom and Cindy both love cooking together.

They both actively decide to let their problems
go and NOT worry about them for awhile, but to start
by cooking dinner together and EATING together at
the dinner table...EVERY night.

Often because they've had such a great time cooking
and eating together...they play some cards or monopoly
afterwards and share some laughs and have a little fun.

Now, because Cindy isn't feeling so isolated because
Tom's always watching TV or surfing the web...

That little bit of fun turns into love making a little
more often.

Which in part...leads to...

Tom starting to feel better, finds new confidence,
and as his confidence builds... Tom gets more assertive
about finding work.

Soon...

Tom lands what maybe not the best job in the world, but one
that relieves a lot of the financial pressure until he
can find his perfect fit.

And before your very eyes...

Where Tom and Cindy's relationship was about to burst
into flames...

Now, they are rising from the rubble with
a stronger and more fire proof marriage than ever before.

The moral of the story is that with enough PASSION
couples can overcome most any problem including affairs, drug use,
even death in the family.

But when there is very little passion even the tiniest
problems...become big, out of control, blazing fires.

Now if you're reading this, but feel that an out
of control fire has already 'gutted' and put an end to your
relationship. You may find it comforting to know that there
may be a second chance for you?

I've made some amazing new breakthroughs in the human
love, bonding and REBONDING process.

Many of these breakthroughs are just as counterintuitive
as the technique I've just handed you here.

I've made a special video with you in mind where I share
one of my counterintuitive rebonding techniques.

You're invited to watch here:

HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK VIDEO

While I'm a little bumbly and no Brad Pitt on camera...

...the video has been watched over 893,000 times (rated 4 1/2 stars) and
it's rare for a day to go by where I don't receive a really heart
warming note from someone that has put their relationship back
together after going through hell and fearing they'd never
find their way back.

Hope it helps you too:-)

T Dub Jackson
MagicOfMakingUp.com

Conversation For Any Relationship Often Builds Better Foundations.

Conversation is one of the major ways that people can express feelings, ideas, opinions, dreams and so on to others.  It is also a primary way of starting new friendships and relationships.  There are techniques that you can learn to help you in the area of starting a conversation, especially if it is for you.  Most people really do want to share but are unsure how to get started.

 

Be the first to say “Hello” As difficult as this sounds, it is a sure way of overcoming your fear of not being addressed.  It is an open door for others to walk through a talk with you.

 

Introduce yourself to other people.  One way to keep the conversation going after “Hello” is to introduce yourself and smile.  This is an obvious welcome for conversation and most people that you introduce yourself to will do the same.

 

Make a conscious effort to remember the names of the people you meet.  This is a challenge for some and easy for others.  But very important for future encounters.

 

Don’t be afraid to ask a person their name if you have forgotten it.  They will appreciate that you care enough to make sure you have it and have it right.

 

Be curious and show an interest in the people around you whom you are speaking with.  People like to talk about themselves.

 

Be open to new ideas when they are presented.  A big conversation turner is when a person is closed to hearing ideas and concepts that another person holds.  Not being open to hear also portrays lack of interest.

 

Don’t be afraid to tell others about important things that happened in your life.  An openness to share a little about yourself allows the people around you to learn more about conversational topics you like.

 

Be a good listener.  When another person is talking, make sure that you are not butting in.  When he or she is done with their thought, is when you can safely make a comment or ask a question. 

 

These are only just a few tips that you can use to improve your conversations with others.  If you put these into practice, you will find that more and more you will be talking with others and learning new things.  You will find yourself happier and have more friends and acquaintances.  These tips can help you in your relationship as well.

 

In Your Relationship, Get Your Man's Ego On Your Side

In any relationship, it is important to remember to evaluate the potential damage that is created when you do not set the needs of your relationship high on the priority list when picking an argument.  When there is a conflict in the activities that arise keep in mind that you can go full boar into a battle against the ego of a man that you will not win or step back and offer a suitable solutions that makes it a win win for the both of you.  This is where men can be given the opportunity to compromise.  What is extremely important to you may not be to your partner and vice versa.  But is creating a war worth the destruction that is caused when the woman ego goes to battle with that of a man?  Sometimes being right is not everything and by seeing another way around a situation you can have almost everything in the long run.  Being right does not always justify actions that cause relationship damage. 

Your ego goes after short term rewards without taking into consideration the long term consequences.  if you look at a man's ego, it is like a junk yard dog whose purpose is to protect the territory behind the fence.  If you get inside that fence and go to battle with that dog you will lose. And your man will not intentionally set out to hurt you but his ego will do whatever it takes to protect. A man's ego allows him to accomplish amazing things.  But his ego is either a killer or a hero.  If your relationship with him is a rewarding experience, he will be your hero. but if you challenge or threaten him and he has accepted that challenge, he does not think of the damage his actions can do to the long term relationship.  You may win a round or two but in the long run you will lose. 

Ladies, your ego is very useful in the business world but has no business in your relationship if you want it to last.  When you get your ego out of the way, you then can tap into your natural ability to relate and your skill to manage your relationship. You have the inward ability to create the relationsip of your choice.  Two egos will end up with none.  Learn how to make the situations that you encounter a win win and you will be surprised at what lengths your man will go to make you happy.