Friends and Beyond

Too Often Women Settle For Second Best Instead Of Number One

Are you the other woman?  This question can have several meanings in and of itself but it always means that if you are the other woman, you are his second choice. 

Yes, it is true that some women will have two men but decided very quickly between the two.  Women are emotional beings and get emotional attached when sex becomes involved in the relationship.  The man that wins her heart is the one that embraces that emotion and fills her emotional needs. 

A man however can play the field between two females but more specifically between a wife and a mistress.  Or a man can play the field between his own interests and the interests of the female he is attempting to date or even capture her heart.  Either way you are still the other woman. So lets cut to the chase.

Recently, I met a gentleman who expressed interest in me and we exchanged phone numbers.  Interestingly enough the only time I receive a phone call is while he is in his car on the way to work in the afternoon or when he wants me to meet him at 11:30 at night after he gets off work.  When asked to call when he has a little more time to talk during the day or on his day off and request time together before work for breakfast or lunch or again on his day off, the reply was.  That is when I run my errands and have other things to do.  So...what is wrong with this picture? 

You guessed it.  I am the last thing on his mind and it is inconvienent for him to go out of his way to spend time with or talk to me.  On the way to work guarantees little time to get into a meaningful conversation and learn more about the other person.  It is amazing what time he says he has to go golfing and do lunch when his buddies come to town before work and on his day off.  Hmmmm So it is advisable to cut your losses and move on if you are in this situation.  Ladies, if someone truely wants your heart he will make time to spend with you.  And if he is married, cut him loose as well because you are not first on his mind, you are the filler.  

Now men if a worman you are pursueing does this to you, I will guarentee that she has another interest somwhere else in the form of another man. My advice to you...cut your losses and move on unless you like being second best or even last on the list.

You are worth being number one in the life of a romantic relationship.  There is room for compromise on certain circumstances but number one is just that...Number One. Settle for nothing less.

 

Be The Mirror And Not The Magnifier For Those Around You

There is often a misconception as to whether we are helping each other to grow or maybe even hindering their growth.  The question is a great one in the fact that mentors and coaches are becoming quite a popular avenue to take as the general public is moving to online exposure.  So when you are choosing to be a mentor or seek a mentor, there is one unique principle to keep in mind.  Are they/you a mirror or a magnifier?  And what is the difference between the two?

A mirror is someone who allows a reflection of those that gaze upon it.  It can show you things that may not be very becoming and need to be changed.  It can also show the things that are good and growing and the beauty that so many times is not acknowledged.  Either way, it is not a judgement one way or another just a picture to those that look, to see what others see.

A magnified is just what it is.  It makes bigger that which it is looking at.  Most of the time, someone who is a magnifier is pointing out that which is wrong with someone or what someone is doing for everyone to see.  When they see that what they want is not being done, then critcism become the words of choice instead of praise and encouragement.

So whether you are a friend, a parent, in a relationship and especially if you are a coach or mentor, it is important to realized exactly what role you are playing.  Many coaches and mentors get frustrated when a student is not following exactly the process being taught and can say and do things indirectly to discourage the very people they are teaching.  They do not realize that they are not being a good example Then they wonder why a barrier begins to form.  Are you coaching/mentoring to benefit the interests of the student to get them where they want to go or are you doing so to make complete your own interests.  Are you being a mirror or a magnifier?