Friends and Beyond

Before Getting Married There Is One Important Subject That You Need To Discuss

Before making plans for a wedding after you say "I Do" there is some other planning that needs to take place.  These are the plans for your financial future.  Finances is one subject that most couples have no communication about before they take the ultimate walk down the aisle.  Yet, it the most import plans that need to be duscussed and agreed upon.  It is amazing when two people come together how different their approaches to money can be. 

Indeed this can be one of the most difficult conversations to have prior to marriage but this matter should be discussed before you decide how many will be attend the ceremony.  If you have this communication about the finances early in your relationship afeter you decide to tie the know you mostly likely will get off to a much better start.  There are several questions that you can ask to include the amount of accounts there are and what kind are they, how many credit card and their limits and balances to name two.  Obviously these alone could cause some discomfort in the evening conversations but without them you could be doomed to financial setbacks or blessed with a firm financial foundation. So before you say "I Do" do talk money. 

Aim Right Fot The Heart

A common need in all human beings is the feeling and expression of love.  Even people with the toughest of exteriors has a soft and sensative interior that longs for love in some way.  Sometimes the world will knock you around a little but when that hard facade is challenged, a deeper, more vulerable human being stands behind the armor.  All of our actions are unskillful or skillfull attempts to feel love.  Even the meanest person in the world craves the feelings of love as much as you or I do.  Maybe even more so.  Some people believe that love can be manipulated and do not understand that love can only be won or given and received.  Many times people act unloveable because they believe deep inside that they are unloveable.  Relationships suffer because of this simple barrier that we sometimes carry for protection. 

The language of the heart is not difficult or complex.  It is actually quite simple.  "The fruits of thoughtfulness sometimes remain hidden until the moment is ripe".  Sometimes all it takes is a simple touch when love and understanding is communicated in a way that is beyond words.  So the challenge for each of us is to reach out, to live and to act for what is real on the inside even if the reality is not apparent to our own senses on the outside.  We can break down the lonely towers that stand around the hearts of people and in doing so we will indeed discover our own.    We must never underestimate the healing power of the act of kindness no matter how big or how small.   

When Are Your Friends, Friends Or Just Acquaintances

Have you ever wondered if your friends are really your friends.  Or have they turned into just another acquaintance.  Most people think that what starts out as friendship stays that way but that is not necessarily true.  As time goes on you can always count on friends to be there when you need them and keep an open line of communication.  There is true appreciation when you help them out or just be there when they need you.

But what do you call them when your need arises time and time again and they are never available or always have their own drama going on.  When you want to get together they are always too busy.  They ask for your help and you go running but when the tables are turned there is always something going on that prevents them from being there for you.  Is this what a friend is?  Or have they moved into acquaintance mode and are friends only when they need you.  If this is happening to you then maybe it is time to move on and find people who truly wish to share friendship.  Maybe it is time to re-evaluate who your friends are and are not.  See how many times you get put on the back burner and where your friends really are when you need a helping hand.  You will probably find that these people are no longer you friend but are not just an acquaintance

How Do You Know If Your First Date Went Well

Nowadays it is almost unusual to meet someone in person with all the online dating going on.  Hopefully during your communication, you have developed some kind of friendship enough to eventually meet face to face.  This can be nerve racking and the question will alsways pop up about how the first date will go or after the dat, how did it go. There are a few signs to watch for as you step into this new found arena.

First indicator is whether you are actually excited to go out with this person.  If you do not have any of this excitement or notice the other person does not seem to have it then more than likely this date may not turn out well.  Once past this point it is important if the gentleman has spent some time planning the date and not flying by the seat of his pants.  Spontenuity is great but not on the first date.  That is something that comes down the road when your dates turn into a relationship.  If during your date either of you maintain a certain amount of eye contact and is free to laugh when something is humerous, that is a sign that your date is going well and there should be signs of a repeat occassion. 

The most important thing to remember is that the first date is not the end of the world and the possible relationship is to be rushed.  Take some time to get to know each other before jumping into an immediate gluing to the hips exclusivity.  Too many times a couple breakups because they did not take the time to allow for a peaceful parting of the ways in the beginning when incompatibilty can and does rear it's head. 

Conversations Can Help Build Friendships Beginning With Body Language

Making friends isn't always easy for some people.  It may be helpful to know that learning how to start and maintain a conversation is a major key in developing lasting friendships.  Or avoiding certain frienships for that matter.  But starting a conversation can be difficult for some people also.  One good thing to know is that about 70% of all communication is not verbal.  Your body language will communicate your attitude and feelings long before you ever open your mouth to speak.  It will also tell someone how open you are to others for a conversation.  So it is a good idea to pay attention to your body language.

By learning a few very important things to keep in mind, you can be better able to either begin or join into a conversation with people that you would like to start a friendship with.  The very first thing you must do is to smile.  This is a warm gesture that invites others to come closer and talk for a while.  The way you stand can either invite or turn away a prospective person whom you might want to talk with.  Slumped over with folded arms is not an inviting posture to portray.  Standing up straight with confidence and arms to your sides says to someone that you welcome a conversation with them. 

There are several more techniques and tactics you can learn to invite and welcome a conversation.  It is wise to find the ones that you can easily learn or change to help you create more friendships or even business relationships as well.  After a short time you will find that you too can enjoy fun and friendly converstions with others around you.

Do You Appreciate The People In Your Life?

Appreciation is something that is often taken for granted. We alot of times assume that the people around us know that we appreciate them.  Often times they do not because we do not take the time to tell them.  Or somehow show them that they are appreciated for tht matter.   And yet we often times get our feathers uffled when someone does not show us appreciation for things we do or say. 

Family is probably the most taken for granted because the are either very close or very far apart. There is an assumption implied unless you learne as a young child to always say Thank you.  Now a days it is becoming more common in children to not get taught this valuable lesson because of split families or both parents working to maintain the household.  The children are being raised by babysitters and child care centers that don't have the time or the personal touch to teach such virtues. 

One way to make yourself and your day just a little happier is to find someone or something someone does to appreciate and tell them that you do in fact appreciate them or the thing they did. It is inevitable that your gesture will make their day just a little brighter too. 

Does Love At First Sight Really Exist?

This is a question asked by many who seek a relationship.  Immediate desire and /or ust at one's first sight does exist.  However, the world pretty much agrees that love at first sight is not a relavent expressin for an actual feeling.  Love at first sight is more classified as infatuation than love.  One simple fact remains that can kick start love is that your first moves when you see a possible future love are crucial.   if in fact love does grow from the initial encounter then you could call it love at first sight.  There will be no arguments to that issue.  But if it does not.....then what do you cal the encounter?  The term Love at First Sight is a significant part of the popular belief of many.  But it truely exists for those who choose to believe it. 

Creating A Win-Win Communication

Whether you are trying to improve a personal relationship or enhance a business relationship, communication is a key element in accomplishing a win win situation.  There is a proccess called And Then Some that s very effective in establishing a win win environment.  The people involved must be mature enough and open to feedback.  The more common excuses used to avoid this process are,"This is dumb" or "I'm too busy" or "My friend,wife, husband would never do that."  Here is how the process works.

At the end of a week one person will ask the other "On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate my performance as a (?) last week?"  The key is to listen with an open mind and pause before there is any response.  If the answer is not a ten the next question will be, "What wuld I need to improv my score or make it a ten?"  The next key is to listen again and utilize the information to improve on te next week.

This makes us more aware of where we may be falling short of fullfilling all that we can be.  However, too often people get offend and take the answers negatively which will short circuit possible improvement in their lives for the future.  If you accept the imformation you receive as a gift, it can help you become more trustworthy and genuine.  It is true that sometimes the truth hurts but sometimes it is necessary to swallow a little pride to enjoy the benefit that follow.

Love Is A Not Automatic, It Is Learned

Love, itself is a learned response.  And how a person learns to love is in direct relationship to the environment in which he or she is raised and by who they were taught.  More people behave as if love were something that remains dormant inside until some magical thing happens to cause it to bloom.  Many people spend lifetimes trying to find love.  To some love is not something to think about but just something to experience.  In some small degree all of these statements carry an element of truth.  But none of them is the whole truth. 

If a person wanted to be something in specific like an actor or attorney they would have to study to learn how to be either.  A child at birth does not know anything about love.  As the child grows, the world around him and the people he or she is involved with ustimately teach them about love and what it means.  Love is not only an emotion but a response to an emotion.  When this child grows into an adult, the way he loves and accepts love is based on what he has been taught.  So as a professional learns and perfects a trade so must a person to truely understand the multi-facets of love.  Don't cut yourself short on experiencing the fullness of love by limiting yourself to only the things you learned during childhood. Only when we choose to communicate and learn how to love and be loved, then we will experience more of its fullness.

New Habits For A New Year

With the new year 2008 just around the corner, now is a time to reflect and decide to make changes for personal growth.  One area in many people's lives that need changing is the people they associate with.  The people you hang around with stongly influence the things you do or do not do.  There are some people that are negative in nature, in communication and in attitude.  We still call them friends when in fact they are not.  They bring you down and hinder your progress in becoming all that you can be.  Their point of view is always on the down side.  2008 is a year to re-evaluate the friends and relationships you currently have and set new positive attitudes and outlooks in life. People who always complain and find things wrong will bring you down and make the world look dim.  People who are always looking for the good and encourage you will help you see a world full of opportunity and adventure.  Your attitudes and beliefs are a product of your environment.  So why not take a step for and realize that the sky and beyond is the limit and negative associations are your anchor that hold you back from soaring to new heights.  Have an Outstanding Christmas and a Spectacular New Year!